I like your story thus far, the viewpoints and the sheer different feeling that so many fanfic stories.. I have been trying to figure out what the feeling is, and I think I have it, Its like one of those long quiet movies with a lot of standing around on a deserted beach staring into the distance.. and dialogue you can't really quite hear. I really like your characterization, , again, different than so many other stories.
There is one thing I do have a problem with, that is the wrong words, the strange phrasing, I assume this is a problem created by spellcheckers that automatically put the wrong word in place, I think you need someone to read over your work before posting to correct these things. The effect of these problems is when reading the line or paragraph, the flow of the intent is destroyed when the wrong word comes up.
Keep up the good work, I am looking forward to wherever you go next.
TimW