rushes upstairs and comes back with a cup of milk which she takes a sip of then spits out in astonishment
Dedicated to Demenior? What did I do? But... I'm very honoured, so thank you. It means a lot to me Miss Eclaire.
Wow, Nuuoa, this was amazing. The chapter was well written, and the part between Archie and Atlanta was awesome- not a decloration of love and them being all 'I love him/her and he/she loves me back!' like most stories (not that it's a bad thing.) I myself do that ~laughs~ but it's nice to not see moments like that soemtimes.
The chapter moved well, and I liked the description and learning a bit about Atlanta. She knows a little Latin? That's a cute little qwirk I would never have thoguht of- thats why you're so awesome.
Now for the ctritiquing, the best/worst part of my review. Starting with the begining of the chapter and working through:
Let's see... nope, not much to mention about Arhcie and Atlanta's part- except that (to me) it seems like you used 'Archie's eyes' almost too much... but I have no idea why I'm thinking that, so ignore me.
With Jay and Theresa and Khalil and Annabell, I would have liked to see a bit more dexcroption there. I like the description you used already- but I'm a sucker for little details.
Also, it would've been nice to see the emotional 'description' the dead-world had on Jay, especially. Like how the dead-ness (not even a word) affected him on the inside, and staring into the face of that hollow child. I think even Jay would have jumped at that, or been a bit more edgy and spooked.
Also, with Theresa's 'fight' with Jay, I can see where she's comming from, but maybe there should have been some more lead-up to it. So maybe she was getting a little colder and distant from Jay in previous chapters, (I'm probably off by a chapter or two, but I remember them recently blushing about being called lovers) and then this, so then it would be a tad more believeable. I had to re-read it a few times in order to understand what she was doing/saying.
And finally, I know you know where this story is going, but they left Jay ALONE in this dead world? ...I'd feel betrayed if I were him- but he is heartbroken. It was nice top see Khalil and Jay 'make up' at the end though.
All in all, as I said before, this was a wonderful chapter and I can't wait to see what is going to happen next.
And I really hope this review doesn't sound as mena as I think it does, I'm sorry D=
~Demenior