this sory is difficult to read. I could not even pay attention to the plot line, because I found myself thinking, "If this person doesn't know the difference between his and he's, how can he or she make a good plot line?"
so my advice to you-- put your stories through Microsoft Office/Works and get a spell and grammar check. Then, compare it to a book lying around and see the different usages of cases like "his/he's", "to/two/too", and so forth. if anything, google a few grammar articles.
you're not a bad writer. you just need to work on that grammar before anyone wants to read anything you've got to offer. :D