Review for Motorcycle

Motorcycle

(#) jump_jives 2008-07-27

Another excellent chapter. Like Vanir, I enjoyed how you portrayed the bonding. I also thought it showed a touch of realism for the mayor to be reluctant to marry them at their age. I am kinda looking forward to them meeting up with the Warlocks again, and especially their return to England.

I'm also glad that you acknowledged that a back piece tattoo would require a number of visits. Even if Harry could handle the pain, even a small tattoo can take hours, depending upoon the level of detail. I have a 5" x 2" tattoo on one calf that took three hours because of the level of detail involved. My first thought when you mentioned tattoos was that you should handle the amount of time by using a magical tattoo artist, however I quickly realized that would not work since a magician might recognize that they were covering runes, even if they didn't recognize the specific runes being used.

This chapter had fewer errors than the last one, and the ones that were there, were very minor (punctuation mostly - a couple missed commas and the like). As I offered in my review for "Family surprises" (which by the way I would love to see you continue despite the fact that it was supposed to be a one-shot), if you would like a second set of eyes drop me a note and we can discuss it.

Plot point issues:
Since this is after their sixth year, I take it you decided to either ignore that they already knew about horcruxes or have Harry and Hermione lie about what they knew. My guess was that their were hiding what they knew from Bill and Fleur, however that was not entirely clear in the story.

Also, for Ginny she would have went to Egypt after her first year as the trip was prior to Harry, Hermione and Ron's third year and she was a year younger.

Having said all that I must, again, say that I am really enjoying this story and can't wait for the next chapter.