Hey, I'm here, with my promised review. Okay, I liked your writing style, and you wrote it pretty well, but just a couple o' technical things that might make your writing better. I noted that you didn't really put in periods at the end of your sentences, so it was like one huge run-on. You might wanna fix that. Also, you didn't capitalize the sentences (when the people were talking) and again, there was no punctuation mark at the end. Another thing about dialogue, you should put in a new line break whenever someone is talking. Because it's really hard to read otherwise.
If you need me to beta your chapters or something, you can email me at graveyardxshift@wild4music.com
Anyway, great start. Keep writing.