(#) kruen 2008-08-26
Good story so far.
You should probably go through it and clean it up as well as spread out how quickly everything goes.
Also your making it to easy for Harry(Andrew) so far. Make the Goblins charge him or have to go get supplies just to make it seem it's not all falling in his lap.
It would help reading if you spaced out the seperate paragraghs.
It would be very interesting for me atleast if you make Andrew learn and act as a Noble he is(Not pureblood supremecy) instead of acting as a person who knows nothing that could be taken advantage of. Might want to get solicitors?sp? on retainer as well as the goblins to keep people from harming the Potter family.
Just some suggestions if you use them or they help you great if not all well. Hope you continue since it seems most of these type of stories become abandond.
Author's response
I'm dilbrately making things easy for Andrew to give him a false sense of security that everything is going to be perfect. He's going to hit some "bumps" shortly.
As for Andrew getting lessons on how to act like a Noble, I'm sure there's a book around that could help him.