Review for I'm what you desire to see

I'm what you desire to see

(#) canustakemyheart 2008-12-28

I liked this chapter. I liked how the angle explained why he didn't see her all those other times. Makes perfect sense, ya know?

Oh and this sentence: "He began to squint as the bright sunlight which flooded the kitchen instead he faced to look at his Mom." I'd maybe rework that to something like: "The bright sunlight flooded the kitchen, making him squint. He turned around to face his mom ..." That sentence just didn't read as well as everything else for me.

Hope that was helpful!

=D

Author's response

Thanks for the re-do on that sentence, I've just updated it. You're right it does read better in the way you put it! :) Oh, thanks for reading the second chapter x Leah.