Alrighty then..
I have to say that I am impressed with the update rate. I can certainly forgive the occasional homonym mistake given how quickly new chapters come out. Let's face it, by and large the writing is technicaly quite good without too many mistakes, so kudos for that.
The plot... well, let's face it, since the nude occlumency started, it has become something of a PWP, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. It's all good fun until someone gets hurt.
Actually, that's where this review comes in.
After reading your reply to DJ32's plea regarding Hermione's cherry, I got a cold shiver down my spine that you didn't put that little question to bed (pardon the pun)
Forgive the obvious, but this is a Harry Potter story, not a Ron Weasley story. The only thing that wil happen if Ron 'gets Harry's girl' is that many of your readers will go into fits of rage, flame you, and dump your story like a hot potato. It's been done before.
Is Hermione Harry's girl in this story - well that's what you implied in your story summary - Hermione showing him love and all that. Therefore, you've tried to attract Harmony fans. Ergo, Hermione is 'Harry's girl'
I don't think you really understand how annoyed Harmony fans get when she ends up with Harry after being with someone else. How is she supposed to be this great love of his life if she's happy to be fooling around with someone else - especially Weasley?
You're already well past my comfort level with her relationship with Ron, so if things stay as they are or get any closer between them then I'm out of here. Frankly, I'm not sure if I will even risk ch.19 since it's possibly going to involve the outcome of Ron's powershake experiment. :(
I guess you gotta ask yourself the question; Do you feel lucky?
I mean... maybe you won't lose too many readers if Ron and Hermione end up shagging, but I can absolutely guarantee you'll lose at least one, and I've seen complaints on some of the yahoo groups about the R/Hr action.
Anyway, if your aim is to annoy Harmony fans, you're doing great. You're not quite at the unforgivable stage, but you're getting there rapidly.
Cheers,
Brian
Author's response
One of the best reviews so far. If it really has to be said then i will ruin that plot point.
before Hr gives in and goes all the way with R events will transpire to keep them apart until school starts. After a time apart and without constant stimulation in the form of study sessions does anybody think she will want anything to do with him?
Will he really want to deal with the drama or will he take up with another witch when he has a choice?