Hi ... I'm not sure if I've reviewed before but I've been reading. I was hesitant at first because this story was going to be a "ferard" ... but I actually like the story you've cooked up. It's like a mystery drama.
Anyway, I thought I'd offer the very slightest constructive criticism. Actually it's not a criticism at all really, it's just that if you want to make it sound more "American", just replace a few words ...
Instead of petrol, we say gas.
coloured = colored.
And instead of fringe, we can bangs.
lol
I think that was it =)