Hey , I'm addie. When I was a kid I was the weirdo that nobody wanted to play with , I was always different and going thru a bunch of stuff nobody knew about. I had to go to therapy for a muscle co dition that made me weak and off balance from kindergarten till 5th grade, my lil sister had seizures and was in the hospital a lot so It caused major stress for me and my other lil sister, my great grandma died ( roughly around the time of gee and mikeys which I thought was weird) and I was very depressed even as a lil kid.(btw I'm writing this on my iPod so if it cuts off you know why)
Around 6th grade I started changing myself. I wore popular clothes , listened to popular bands and other things to try and make me feel accepted , but nothing worked. So I was watching TRL one day and I saw the video for "famous last words" I was shocked and interested and decided to look up the band, I acutally thought they were called the black parade for the longest time,lol. So I eventually bought the album the black parade andit made me happy. I could finally say ifound a band that made me feel happy to be different.then another wave hit me, my mom was diagnosed with thyroid cancer then I found out it was hereditary so I evntually could get it . I haven't developed it yet but it is most likely .so the song cancer got me thru that period. Then I started listening to thier older CDs . I just couldn't get enough. I watched interviews and was basically engulfed in mcr. I found myself wanting to be who I am but not knowing how.
My depression hit for a second time and I found myself self harming. I hated myself . I though I was fat and ugly and nobody would ever love me. My entire view of myself was distoreted like carnival glass. I had friends who tried to help me but once the wrong person found out my reputation was shot to hell. I was teased and bullied and almost pushed down the stairs by a boy who hated me as much as I hated myself and I didnt do anything about it because I was afraid.then I acutally got to see my chemical romance live I went with my cousin and my dad and I found out something. I never wanted to leave. I wanted to stay there forever. Gerard singing and the energy of the crowed had me in tears that night when I was home because I knew I would probably never see them live again. And need be to my happy place in
my head.
So when my mom is yelling at me or I'm getting other verbal abuse from my family I always have a sound track in my head
" I am not afraid to keep on living , I am not afraid to walk this world alone. . . "