Here is my two cents:
You are a decent writer, and this is a good plot for a story, and over all, its pretty great!! definetely exciting and what the reader expected, you wrote the opposite. A good read, I applaud you. Just a couple of pointers to make you a GREAT writer.
Make sure to edit your writing. A few mistakes here and there are okay but when there are constantly mistake, it's just plain old annoying.
Also, work on your spacing. It gets hard and annoying to read when everything is jammed together in one big paragraph. Other than that, Bravo!