Review for Harry Potter Payback Time

Harry Potter Payback Time

(#) Anon-E-Mouse 2011-03-03

Looks interesting, but you need to improve the look and spacing of the text.

It looks almost like a complete wall of text, put a blank line between paragraphs and a couple between sections. Try breaking a paragraph into more than one section.

Try reading the piece out loud only taking a breath at each full stop/period and not pausing until you reach the end of the paragraph.

Put quote marks (" speech ")around character speech.

Separate special effects / sounds from the rest of the paragraph (unless it's made by something being described in the sentence).

I've not used the FicWad editor / uploader so I don't know what you can do now it has been uploaded, but if you can spend a few minutes to just tidy up the presentation of the piece this will improve the readability.

Author's response

thank you for your positive feedback I had not had my beta reader look at it before posting the story that problem has been rectified so take another look and tell me what you think