Spelling. Grammer. Look it over. Please.
Also needs more narrative between the dialogue I think. The dialogue itself is okay but it runs on nonstop. You need some breaks so that people can have a chance to think over what was said. And I love how Gerard was all upset when he got the news and now in the morning all he can think about is gropinf Frank...?
But it's interesting. I think a lot of people would like this.
Author's response
yeah, I just read it over myself. My spelling and grammar is incredibly crap, even for a twelve year old D: But I'll probably edit it and repost it again.
xxx
thanks for the review