(#) Nny 2011-07-07
Hey,
I'm from Germany, so my English isn't that good, but maybe you'll understand it anyway. :)
I really like your style of writing, it's beautiful!
Gerards sooo fucking awesome here, I've never read a story in which he's so clumsy and adorable!
But the chapter in which Ray, Gee and Frank sit in the park kinda unpleased me:
If you are a guitar player, or even by just listening to the guitars in the mcr-songs, you can clearly tell that Ray is an incredible good gitarist. As far as I know, he wrote
most of the guitar lines.
E.g. Early Sunsets: The part Frank plays are simple chords, that he added to the melodies Ray already had written. I don't say that Early Sunsets is a difficult song,though.
I guess, people tend to say that Frank is more talented than Ray when it comes to guitars, because on stage you can clearly tell that Frank plays with all his heart, while Ray is somehow more the 'original-metal-head'-guitarrist, if I can put it that way. (Does that sentence sound creepy?)
Anyway, maybe you could just change the part where Gee thinks, that Frank is as good, or even better than Ray on the guitar, because that's simply wrong and spoiled my enjoyment of your story.
And to all those Fank-lovers out there: I do admire Frank, not for his talent on the guitar, but for his unbelieveble stage presence and the way he plays with all his heart. (I seem to repeat myself. :D)
I must say, that your Jamia(?) is the most unlikeable person I ever 'got to know', in a way. :D
Too bad you gave her the name of Franks wife, because I think that's pretty disrespectful. I mean, she seems to be what Frank wants, although most of us, as mcr-fans, aren't happy with her. They have two children, and Jamia is for sure not a plastic-barbie-bitch with a fucked up brain. If she would be like that, Frank wouldn't have married her, I guess.
If we all kinda adore the guys, we should trust them. They all know for sure whats good for them and whats not.
Holy shit, that review turned to be pretty long and extensive. :D
Anyway, I really like your story, I'm looking forward to the next chapter!
xxx
Author's response
I'm actually really offended that you clearly haven't even read my story properly, yet you accuse me of things that aren't even true...if you've actually read the story properly, you'll notice that the girl is called Jamie, not Jamia- i would never write about the bands wifes or families, cause i agree with you, i think it is disrespectful- but even if it was meant to be his wife, it's still my story, and i can do what i want with it. Jamie is in no way meant to have anything to do with Jamia- she's just a made up character.
and about the guitar stuff, i know full well that Frank didn't write all the music to Early Sunsets- nor did Gerard write the lyrics to Our Lady Of Sorrows...it's purely fictional, yeah? it was just for the benifit of the story! I in no way think- or implied- in this story that Frank is a better guitarist than Ray...i think they're both amazing in their own ways, but even if i had made out that Ray was shit at guitar, it shouldn't have mattered, cause it's only fiction- everyone knows that in reality it's not true!
in the story, Gerard is also likely to favour Frank's playing- not casue it's better, but because he's pathetically crushing on him.
i'm sorry it "offended" you, but like i said, it's pure fiction- and it's also MY story- i can do whatever i want with it, so sorry, but i'm not gunna change it just because you can't seem to recognise the difference between ficion and reality.
I do appreaciate constructive criticism though, so thank you for giving your opinion and i'm glad other than the points you mentioned, you seem to like this story.
CosmicZombie xo