(#) FTWWW 2011-08-19
This is a really interesting plot, but to be honest I don't like your writing style. The pacing isn't very good, or the vocabulary. Some of the reactions are a bit out of character too, and some of the sentences don't make much sense.
By all means, continue, this is a very interesting plot. But maybe get a beta to help you with some of the little things?