So very hard to say which is better from my point of view. They are both great.
I love the description for both... It's so hard to say which is preferable when it's so short though.
Honestly though I would say yours is better because it makes me curious as to what was going on before since it starts with 'I told you not to come here'... That line makes me want to know what was going on!
But both rocked.
Author's response
Yay! :D I feel all mysterious. xDD Thanks so much for the feedback, it helps. Glad to know people besides Ben are reading this! :D