This is a fantastic concept, and your writing is good. However, it pains me to say this, but the punctuation is terrible. There are also a few spelling mistakes, though that's not really something to worry about. It's mostly just the punctuation. I would suggest you get a Beta reader for this. :) -C
Author's response
Thankyou and thats really helpfull, I'm dyslexic so my spelling gramara maths... the list goes in is terrible, so it would proberly be a good Idea to find a beta thankyous! C: