I actually thought this was quite good :) It's certainly better than some of the other shit posted on this site, seriously, a LOT of them don't even bother with full stops. It sucks. But this was pretty good :D Like everything, it needs a beta, but otherwise it was fine. I think the other people commenting aren't used to reading this sort of thing, crossovers or whatever, so don't worry about it. If you want a good site to go to that will get you good feedback and not trolls, go to livejournal, if you're not there already. Keep writing! Practice makes perfect!