i'll start with the constructive criticism. i think you could have spent a little bit more time on developing lala's character, being that she is the main. maybe given angel some dialog (if she's going to be big in the story later on, if not then it's perfecto)
but i am excited to see where this is going. i'm going to keep an eye out on this one.
but seriously, none of the above really matters. you should write however you want to and tell me to stuff it. :)
Author's response
thanks again, i am trying to use your advice you gave. and no, angel will not play a huge part. i would never say stuff it, that's what reviewing is supposed to about right? :)