It's good, I like it, although I'm not quite sure why you needed to re write this. Are you re writing the whole thing or?
But nonetheless it's good, and you should definitely keep writing! x
Author's response
Yeah im going to rewrite the whole thing. Im doing it because i hit a brick wall in the original story and i wanted to fix up the chapters before i wrote new stuff.
Thank you for the comment it means a lot to me :)