I really like your writing, did a good job with this chapter!
I guess if you had a little extra space between the lines, especially when there's dialogue going on, the text would be easier to read. Maybe like hit the enter button twice before dialogue and twice afterwards, leaving a little more space so the words spoken will be kind of like separated from the narration thus making the story easy to follow...? but apart from that, this sounds really great :)
Author's response
Yeah, sorry. This chapter was from my old computer and it was kinda hard putting it in here, but I'm better now! Won't make that mistake again. Thank you!