Unfortunately, I couldn't get through this because of the lack of a clear protagonist that I could root for. It would have been Brian had you not introduced Debbie's thoughts halfway through.
And the ending? Didn't make sense, seeing as the summary of this story is "What if Justin had died?"- is that really so useful seeing as he is still alive? And the way everything is solved rapidly also left me wondering. This needed more time and development, for sure.
Author's response
Thank you for your reviews. Everyone must start somewhere 'Pain' was the first fan fiction that I ever wrote ( that was over a decade ago). As for the other one, it is in the process of being reworked.