Hey. I think that you are ding a great job with the story. The only thing that I would add, maybe it's just me, but i think that it shouldn't be just like the girl meets boy, they fall in love and live happi;y ever after. You should make it a little harder for Raquel. But like I said, maybe it's just me. You're doing a great job with it though
Author's response
It's only the beginning...but of course the ending will be oh-so-nice-and-fluffy but I don't my whole story to be that way. I'll mix it up. Just gotta sit down at my laptop and type it out. And thank you for saying that it should be harder for Raquel. Hey, at least your honest about it. I have no problem with criticism...well, the good kind at least. :)