Not bad a real interesting idea you got here which could lead to a real good story (only read chapter 1) but I noticed a few spelling mistakes. that you might want to work on like this> "The problem is with Serenity’s guard and the human prince. How am I to woo her with they are always near her. They will not allow her to escape her fate of marry the prince," Jareth said, eyes closing as Ozma started petting his hair.
It should probably say this (unless I am misreading it that is)> "The problem is with Serenity’s guard and the human prince. How am I to woo her when they are always near her. They will not allow her to escape her fate of marrying the prince," Jareth said, eyes closing as Ozma started petting his hair.
I think there's more but those stuck out the most to me.