Very nicely done, (though i'm a still icky towards the hole mpreg thing, since i'm assuming that's how harry was conceived). I don't really see your problem with dialog, it seemed fine to me, unless it took you hours upon hours to come up with that, which i doubt. I see a lot of potential in this fit and it interests me greatly. I hope you update soon, but at your own pace is best. I'd like to offer my help in any way i can, though i am very busy too, but still, if there's anything you need, don't hesitate to ask. Personally, i love action/fighting scenes the most ^_^ (speaking of which, i wonder if you'll be using a different magic system from lotr world to teach/help harry?)
Ne ways, great story, and i hope to read more soon.
UP_247