It's good but you really need to edit. You left a few words and left out alot of periods. And you used words that don't exist. And you used 'your' when it should be 'you're' and 'were' when it's 'we're'. Just saying. But other than that...It's good.
Author's response
Thanks! I know I probably do need to edit or whatever! But I'm srry if I'm not a professional writer and dont get ever little writing detail correct. But I'm still an amature to this, so plz bare with me.