I've been staring at this one since you posted it to LJ, trying to put into words what specifically I like about it. I think it is particularly the rhythm that it has, and the balance in the way each character is compared to and contrasted with the others, Tenten and Ino, Hinata and Temari, and then finally Sakura at the end. You're good at that - rhythm and balance - I admire that in your writing.