THE SAP! IT DROWNS! Ugh. You tried. You did. But you just went so fast with everything. Harry went from being royally pissed to "Oh! Dumbledore! My favorite grandfather figure!" with no clear reason.
And we do NOT need to know about Hermonie's brests. She was now pretty. The end.
You tried and get points for trying, but I just can't wade through it.
THIS IS NOT A FLAME! Just my opinion...