Ah! At sixteen, it's unlikely that sex would be utterly glorious, isn't it? I find it sad yet refreshing that you haven't made Chappu out to be the wonderful, sensitive guy that most hindsight-fiction tends to take him for. Your Lulu is practical even at that age, even about sex. The respectful relationship between Lulu and Kimahri, established in a few sentences, also feels just right -- Lulu of all people would understand and appreciate the Ronso's skill and trustworthiness. sigh I envy your deft phrasing yet again. I enjoy the way you lay down small spare brush-strokes to describe each of the characters. It fits the terse style of the game very well (as it was constrained to use short, demonstrative sentences due to space limitations). I was looking forward to your next installment, and I will look forward once more to the next one!
Author's response
Thank you! I love, love this specific feedback, oh I do.
I was a little afraid of writing Kimahri, but he really is a bit more approachable as a gentle giant, as you suggested.
These chapters really shouldn't take as long as this one did, I kept hemming and hawing on splitting this chapter up or leaving it whole.