The part about the cheerleader wanting him to do her homework and then lying when he refuses is pretty unrealistic. It kind of kills the beginning for me. Surely there is some simpler --and perhaps funnier-- reason for the football team to gang up on the long-suffering Derek.
-"God, I hope you're up there. Because when I get my hands on you
Myaaaahahahahaa!!
NITS:
"form his lip,"
I think you mean "from."
"It wasn't every day he had to fight off the entire football team, it was every other day."
A highly amusing run-on sentence.
"fun killing newbie's"
"newbies" No apostrophe.
Author's response
Actually the cheerleader/football team scenario actually DID happen to me, in fact most of the things the character goes through are taken from my life, though not all. Thanks for pointing out the specific spelling errors though, I wish more people did, the form from typo happens to me a lot, this isn’t my main story I’m working on but I will be adding more chapters latter on so enjoy, thanks for your input