I especially loved the first three (the hells ones), the one about Aya and Yohji, and this last one. Poor Aya... Please tell me you're going to fix that Yohji-problem. :'(
One thing: when there is a spoken sentence, ie. "That's right." There needs to be a comma at the end, if the words outside the quotes are describing how it was said. As in, "That's right(,)" Bob said. Versus. "That's right." Bob said.
Author's response
I've probably made that mistake a dozen times through everything I've written. I'll have another read through and edit of things when I'm a little less tired and more likely to pick them up; Thank you for pointing it out! :)
I'm not likely to fix=x the Yohji/Aya problem though since I find them most interesting when they're unhappy with each other. Sorry! ^^;