(#) Gryph 2006-05-16
I finished reading this, and I've enjoyed your style. Its an interesting story, although I suppose I should brush up a bit more on my mythology, since I don't recall the creature that Cronos summons.
One little thing that caught my eye--Sometimes your paragraphs are right next to each other, while at other times they have a blank line in between. While it does have a certain visual appeal, suggesting almost poetry-like writing, I think it would be best to stick with one or the other.
All in all, I've quite enjoyed this. The characters usually act as they do in the television shows, and I like what you've done with the pairings.
Author's response
Well to clear things up, the creatures in my story (Shadpw wolves, Scio Havarti, guardian of the dream world) ... well quite frankly I made it up. I'm afraid that if I used a creature from mythologie I would take away what it was really about in the first place. Having my own creatures allows me to get more creative for my story. If I have a better chapter idea (This one for example) I don't have to spend hours trying to figure out how to incoperate it.
With the paragraphs I space them out when someone is talking and when I go onto a new topic. BUT I only do a paragraph in between, when talking, if the sentence before has a periode not a coma. I know it sounds weird but I've always written like that. I'll see what I can do... but I make no promises.
Thank you, I'm glad you liked it. And enjoy the pairings (Though I kind of made Atlanta a little out of character.) -Nuuoa Eclaire