I really like this story. The imagery you used is very effective, and the little anecdote about the whore really sets a good tone to it. However, there were a few technical errors (a couple of words capitalized that shouldn't have been, and the dialogue at the very end isn't puncutated--it should have a comman and a lowercase 'h' on the 'he' after). But, aside from the technical things, this is a really interesting, unique story.