(#) Sinhe 2005-06-27
Well, here I am, reading a Javid. ::gasp!::
I think that you showed the dynamic between the two of them really well. Their relationship was clearly expressed. And while I don't like the couple, you make it work for me in this fic.
If you want crit, I just have one thing to say, really. A lot of this fic is an explanation, more that David is telling us what happened. I want more showing, more scenes demonstrating what David is thinking about. Show us the deteriorating sex life, as opposed to telling us that it happened. That sort of thing.
That's my review. XD Off to mailman!fic.