Ooooooooooooooooooohh. Jay's never gonna forgive himself for this XD Keep going, nice gentle cliffhanger like an egg about to fall.
I reckon you could work on your grammar. And Jay would barely call Theresa a "spoiled brat" or a "freak" if he like-liked her. I love the descriptive lanuage you wove into it. Try making it deeper, so it's like you are there only you can barely see it; like it's through a haze of white mist that threatens to engulf it all...sounds like that kind of story.