Review for we all wanna die like movie stars

we all wanna die like movie stars

(#) horsie890 2007-03-25

Your other reviewer quite literally took the words right out of my mouth. Show, don't tell. I couldn't have said it better (namely because I use that phrase all the time).
A good way to avoid doing character descriptions that way is to imagine how someone would describe a police lineup. Got that mental image? Good. Now don't do that.
Obviously this is one of the first few things you've written. Either that or you're simply not trying. If you're lazy with simple things like capitalizing letters, using correct punctuation, and other mechanics, no one will even bother reading your story. You have to at least make it LOOK like you're making an honest effort. It can often be the difference between people flaming you and giving you constructive criticism.
Also, work on the summary of your story. It's exactly what I just said: If you don't look like you're trying, no one will think you are.