Review for Rogue
Why on earth would you put a dash at the beginning of each paragraph? Who taught you this? It's not proper english, and it's really distracting.
Also, you consistently mispell both Rogue and Mandalorian, and miss out on a lot of punctuation. If you're going to write, I suggest brushing up on your language or proofreading throughly.
Moving past the english, there's nothing here worth reading. It's thee paragraphs about how badass a soldier this Melchior guy is, followed by him rather uneventfully dying. The rest of the story is mostly very boring action. At no point did I feel any connection with the people fighting. It was almost disgustingly lacking in description. I couldn't care.
I realize this is just the first chapter, but from what I've seen and the summary, this Jex guy seems to be almost certainly a shameless Gary Stu. And thieving names is bad, although I will give you points for thieving from such an awesome source as Garet Jax.
You really need to work on your...everything, I suppose.
Author's response
Ok first the dash thing, for some damn reason when I copy and paste my stories all of my tabs are erased and it’s a real pain in the ass separating the paragraphs so I put a dash at the beginning of each one to keep track and I am too lazy to go back and delete them. As far as misspelling rogue, like I said I’m lazy and I just click auto correct, but I did use the spelling of Mandelorian from the page of one of the star wars games which was my only source so bug them about that one. as for the main character’s name, I have absolutely no clue who Gary Stu is or Garet Jax, I just came up with the name and if there is another character or person with that name, well that is one weird coincidence. And as for brushing up on my writing skills, I just do this out of boredom; although I have had a few poems published I have no desire to make a living from this. As you said this was a first chapter and was meant to show how far beyond the bad ass soldiers the main character is. Feel free to read the follow up chapters to see if it gets better or not.