Review for you can keep my brother

you can keep my brother

(#) jerseygirlxx 2007-04-21

Nice chapter. In the bathroom you alternate between rach and sara talking and then you get a little messed up at one point and have Sara answer her own question!lol You can change the names around w/o affecting the plot line cause who really cares what they had to say... well maybe sky... but anyway at the end I liked hearing her thoughts but hello? was she just standing inanimately thinking in the middle of the bathroom? probably not. I wouldve liked it to be more like 'sky looked at her refelction in the she was definately a girl. She pulled her hair up and batted her eyes at her reflection in the mirror trying to look girly and was like f* it -Im skylar and Im proud ya know. Just reading her thoughts was interesting but pairing it with an action wouldve been better. ---now wheres part 2?! ----xoxo

Author's response

Sorry about the name thing, I kinda got cought in the moment there.
Anyway I fixed it and added a few things to go with her thoughts so it wouldn't sound silly like that.
Your reviews always really helpful, you notice things I miss that make a real difference to the story.
Thank you for your time!