Review for you can keep my brother

you can keep my brother

(#) jerseygirlxx 2007-04-24

this was good. The sentence where Mikey tells her what they said was kinda long. You should try to break it up with things like Mikey stuttered or he said "so and so said blah blah" and then went on to say"and Ray said blah blah blah" . It was just kinda long to read through all at once. ----xoxo

Author's response

i tried to convey the feeling that he's really embarrassed and speaks really fast just to get it out of the way...i guess i didn't succeeded