If Jay was that messed up, he wouldn't have come round so easily. You should make it longer, dragging out the fact that Jay had lost all hope of finding Cronus, that he felt as though he was dragging the team down rather than helping them up, and really describe his feelings--use lots of "descriptive language" and really paint a picture with the words. The title suggest a moody, dark atmosphere, full of unexpected twists and descriptivity. So do it! Go on, you made a good start.
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thanks=D