This is a good story but I just wanted to meantion that some words are missing in the text, punctuation marks are missing and it's hard to tell where sentences begin and end in places, and some words are spelled wrong. i don't want to sound mean because i screw up too sometimes on here. so just give it a proof read first before putting it on here or get someone else to proof read for you. just a thought. i'll do it for you if you'd like me too. just mail it to me and i'll proof read and send it back. laterz.
Author's response
Thanks for your advice i've gone through it and changed some bits. hopefully made it better.