(#) yrena 2007-06-01
This has a great feel to it, the internal dialogs is IC and interesting. However, there's some problems with grammar and punctuation. Not many, but I noticed a few periods being dropped, and when a new character speaks it should be on a new line. Oh, and "then" refers to time as in "now then", "than" is more like "this is better than that", so you'll want to change that too. :3 Great story otherwise, you really set the atmosphere.
Author's response
Heh, thanks, I do spellcheck but I should read through more times then I do. I'm glad you like it :)