Categories > Anime/Manga > Eyeshield 21 > You're a Fucking Ass, Hiruma
Spying and Stupidity
0 reviewsOujou time and Agon! WARNING: AGON OOCNESS! I REALIZE IT'S THERE!
0Unrated
WARNING: THIS CHAPTER CONTAINS CRACKY OOCNESS
“Goddamnit Ty, you are so LUCKY I have a freakin’ thing for ears, y’know that?!” I ranted as we walked to Oujou. It was Saturday, so Hiruma sent us to spy on their weekend practice.
Ty grinned devilishly, “Of course I do, if it were otherwise we wouldn’t be here.” She giggled flirtatiously at a passing boy. I think he got a nosebleed.
“Will you please quit flirting and tell me what’s so great about Oujou?” I demanded, still angry for the whole Hiruma thing. I had acted differently than I expected, though. I didn’t stutter once.
“Do you remember Takashi? The really tall, smart one, with the awesome throw?” Ty asked, looking ahead at what appeared to be a giant cathedral. The design was one of the reasons neither of us wanted to try out for Oujou. It was too ‘don’t-believe-and-you’ll-go-to-Hell-ish.’
“I think so, he had glasses, right?” She nodded happily. “What about him?”
“He goes to Oujou!” She said triumphantly. I didn’t understand. “That gives us an excuse to be here! And to ‘borrow’ the tapes of previous games!” Did I mention Ty’s a klepto? Maniac, that is?
“Fine, I’ll film practice; you get the tapes, ‘k?” I mentally calculated the odds of her getting caught, I wasn’t too happy. “If you get caught it’s both our skins,” I warned.
“I know, I know!” She waved off my concern. “Trust me, this is my thing.”
Sighing, I let her go in search of the lockers/gym, where the tapes were likely kept. Spotting the field, I trotted over and looked for a tree to perch in. Locating my target, I quickly shimmied up into the disguising branches, and set about the getting ready to film (i.e. pulling out the camera and turning it on). The players slowly got out onto the field ‘Shit, there’re a lot of them!’ I thought, as I filmed their workout. It was as if half of them were mindless, and the other half was overly pumped to be there. You could really tell who actually got to be in the game.
Filming was boring as shit, but they practiced some really ingenious plays. I could see where they messed up, not only ‘cause they redid it till it was perfect, but because, just by looking, I could SEE the plays and how they should pan out. Some were NFL rip-offs, some were original, and others would just NEVER work. I did learn a few things, though. Takashi was the strategist, or at least partly the strategist, because some of those pays were downright genius. Hiruma and Kurita were downright SCREWED. They didn’t have an actual full team, (which they need) and when they did, more than ½ the members of which were involved in other sports that took priority. I pity our ‘team’.
Ty waved from the other side of the field. I waved back discreetly, telling her to get me some chocolate. I need my sugar fix, dangit! She grinned and signaled to meet her at our hangout. I smiled, humming a tune as I finished taping their practice.
Jogging back to our hangout, I realized I was not the one who wanted to tell Kurita that they were royally fucked in the ass with a bloody football. Of course I would be, but I didn’t want to.
Trying to focus on something more pleasant, like my chocolate, I, in my own unyielding stupidity, bumped into someone. “Sorry,” I mumbled, trying to make myself scarce, but, of course, the person grabbed my arm.
“You alright?” the person asked. He was a tall, dreadlocked loser with green glasses. His skin was dark, but lighter than Ty’s. He wore an orange jacket, even though it was nearing eighty degrees.
“M’fine.” Oh, great. NOW my shyness kicks in. I try to escape, but he. Won’t. Let. GO!!!! He looks at me considering something. I learn just how interesting the tops of my converse are. I can only hope this looks like molestation, and someone calls the cops.
“Where’re you going? I can help you get there.” I wanted to be swallowed up by some freak wormhole and implode. Of course, the universe is never that kind.
“M’good.” Maybe if I mention Hiruma, he’ll go away. “Just gotta get some stuff to the Demon King.”
“Which one?” AW SHIT!!
“Hiruma.” He got a funny look on his face, like he’d been slapped.
“You close to him?” He asked strangely.
“My friend tricked me into talking to him.” WHY THE HELL WAS I TELLING HIM THIS?! I still have no idea.
“But he cares what happens to you?”
“I dunno, maybe.” I should’ve just said ‘no, leave me the hell alone, you fucking stalker.’ I guess I was thinking of the tape.
“Oh really. I’m Agon. What’s your name?” Now, you’d think I was smart, but…
“I am referred to as ‘Fucking Smartass’.”
“Cool.”
That’s all I remember. Unless you count the dream I had of being choked to death by a giant sock monster with tentacles.
Anyway, I woke up and groggily looked around. I was in a basement, I could tell from the cement walls and lack of windows. There was a phone, and the dreadheaded asshole that brought me here. I slowly realize that I’m tied up. So, what does the super-intelligent-and-awesome-Aditi do? She curses. Loudly. The dreadhead looks at me, grinning. I finally realize who he is. He is the football genius who is only nice to pretty girls. Isn’t that a vote of confidence?
“You wanna call Hiruma?” he asked fake-politely.
“Pfft, one, I don’t know his number, and two, I don’t need to.”
“And why is that?” He may have been perturbed by my attitude change, but what can I say?? I’m snappy when kidnapped.
“I’m not that important, and a friend of mine’ll come down here and kick your sorry ass. No need to bother Hiruma.”
“Unless you’ve been out for about six hours.” SHITFUCKDAMN. I had forgotten he knocked me out.
“If you want me to call him, you have to give me the number and untie my hands.”
“I don’t accommodate ugly girls.”
“Bastard,” I spat on his shoe. “Amazing! I didn’t know I could spit that far!” I celebrated a bit.
Suddenly I realized something. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” I howled like a wounded dog. “TY’LL HAVE EATEN MY CHOCOLATE!! AND IT’S YOUR FAULT!!!” I glared at him, he was still mad from the spit thing. “Gimme the damn phone, I’ll call Hiruma, free hands and number or no!”
Amazed at my anger (or just happy to get to the point) he dialed the phone and gave it to me. Holding it to my ear with my shoulder, I listened to the phone ring.
“Moshi moshi.” I heard Hiruma’s deadpan answer.
“Tell Ty if she ate my chocolate, she’s a dead girl.”
“Fucking Smartass! Where the hell are you?! I needed that film by 4!!” He roared, clearly pissed off.
“Talk to the fucking dreadhead, he’s the one who bumped into me, wouldn’t let go of my arm, knocked me out, tied me up, and gave Ty an excuse to eat my chocolate!!” I rattled off every small thing the evil had done me wrong, then stopped to catch my breath.
“So, you have the footage?”
“Yeah and Ty got all the games they’ve played this year.”
“Where is my footage?” I should have known.
“Mostly with Ty, but today’s is in my pack.”
“Which is with you?” I looked around.
“Yeah.”
“So where are you with MY FUCKING TAPES?!”
“I TOLD YOU! Some ass...” I got a kick in the back, “I mean, some incredibly hot, studly guy named Agon, just swept me up off my feet and carried me away to the most romantic BASEMENT I’ve ever seen.” My voice practically oozed sarcasm.
“Did he damage the tapes?” I finally got some sense.
“Yes. He damaged the tapes beyond repair.” I heard a gun being loaded, and then the line went dead. “He’ll be here in four and a half minutes!” I sneered at Agon. He looked appeased, so I went back to my corner and began gnawing the ropes binding me.
Or so Agon saw. Actually, I’d slid a knife out of my pack and began working on the ropes. I always kept at least one.
In about a minute, the ropes were cut, but it looked like I was still bound. I waited, humming a happy tune, and planning my escape from the evils that were raging here faster than I’d imagined.
In two minutes, I heard angry footsteps heading down the stairs. I ‘eep’ed and got ready to move. Hiruma took one step into the basement and I bolted. Tossing the tapes at Hiruma, who caught them all, I ran faster than I ever imagined possible up and out. I came out in a part of town I knew well, and skittered down an ally, knowing full well Hiruma would be after me soon. I could already hear the guns. I didn’t get far, but I got far enough to borrow a friend’s motorcycle.
When I got home, Ty and the munch-rats were waiting. Ty handed me some chocolate and I ran to my room. Ty followed me.
“Where the hell were you?!” She yelled as I scribbled a last will and testament.
I told her the story in a rush, and said, panting, “Get this legalized!”
I promptly passed out from exertion.
“Goddamnit Ty, you are so LUCKY I have a freakin’ thing for ears, y’know that?!” I ranted as we walked to Oujou. It was Saturday, so Hiruma sent us to spy on their weekend practice.
Ty grinned devilishly, “Of course I do, if it were otherwise we wouldn’t be here.” She giggled flirtatiously at a passing boy. I think he got a nosebleed.
“Will you please quit flirting and tell me what’s so great about Oujou?” I demanded, still angry for the whole Hiruma thing. I had acted differently than I expected, though. I didn’t stutter once.
“Do you remember Takashi? The really tall, smart one, with the awesome throw?” Ty asked, looking ahead at what appeared to be a giant cathedral. The design was one of the reasons neither of us wanted to try out for Oujou. It was too ‘don’t-believe-and-you’ll-go-to-Hell-ish.’
“I think so, he had glasses, right?” She nodded happily. “What about him?”
“He goes to Oujou!” She said triumphantly. I didn’t understand. “That gives us an excuse to be here! And to ‘borrow’ the tapes of previous games!” Did I mention Ty’s a klepto? Maniac, that is?
“Fine, I’ll film practice; you get the tapes, ‘k?” I mentally calculated the odds of her getting caught, I wasn’t too happy. “If you get caught it’s both our skins,” I warned.
“I know, I know!” She waved off my concern. “Trust me, this is my thing.”
Sighing, I let her go in search of the lockers/gym, where the tapes were likely kept. Spotting the field, I trotted over and looked for a tree to perch in. Locating my target, I quickly shimmied up into the disguising branches, and set about the getting ready to film (i.e. pulling out the camera and turning it on). The players slowly got out onto the field ‘Shit, there’re a lot of them!’ I thought, as I filmed their workout. It was as if half of them were mindless, and the other half was overly pumped to be there. You could really tell who actually got to be in the game.
Filming was boring as shit, but they practiced some really ingenious plays. I could see where they messed up, not only ‘cause they redid it till it was perfect, but because, just by looking, I could SEE the plays and how they should pan out. Some were NFL rip-offs, some were original, and others would just NEVER work. I did learn a few things, though. Takashi was the strategist, or at least partly the strategist, because some of those pays were downright genius. Hiruma and Kurita were downright SCREWED. They didn’t have an actual full team, (which they need) and when they did, more than ½ the members of which were involved in other sports that took priority. I pity our ‘team’.
Ty waved from the other side of the field. I waved back discreetly, telling her to get me some chocolate. I need my sugar fix, dangit! She grinned and signaled to meet her at our hangout. I smiled, humming a tune as I finished taping their practice.
Jogging back to our hangout, I realized I was not the one who wanted to tell Kurita that they were royally fucked in the ass with a bloody football. Of course I would be, but I didn’t want to.
Trying to focus on something more pleasant, like my chocolate, I, in my own unyielding stupidity, bumped into someone. “Sorry,” I mumbled, trying to make myself scarce, but, of course, the person grabbed my arm.
“You alright?” the person asked. He was a tall, dreadlocked loser with green glasses. His skin was dark, but lighter than Ty’s. He wore an orange jacket, even though it was nearing eighty degrees.
“M’fine.” Oh, great. NOW my shyness kicks in. I try to escape, but he. Won’t. Let. GO!!!! He looks at me considering something. I learn just how interesting the tops of my converse are. I can only hope this looks like molestation, and someone calls the cops.
“Where’re you going? I can help you get there.” I wanted to be swallowed up by some freak wormhole and implode. Of course, the universe is never that kind.
“M’good.” Maybe if I mention Hiruma, he’ll go away. “Just gotta get some stuff to the Demon King.”
“Which one?” AW SHIT!!
“Hiruma.” He got a funny look on his face, like he’d been slapped.
“You close to him?” He asked strangely.
“My friend tricked me into talking to him.” WHY THE HELL WAS I TELLING HIM THIS?! I still have no idea.
“But he cares what happens to you?”
“I dunno, maybe.” I should’ve just said ‘no, leave me the hell alone, you fucking stalker.’ I guess I was thinking of the tape.
“Oh really. I’m Agon. What’s your name?” Now, you’d think I was smart, but…
“I am referred to as ‘Fucking Smartass’.”
“Cool.”
That’s all I remember. Unless you count the dream I had of being choked to death by a giant sock monster with tentacles.
Anyway, I woke up and groggily looked around. I was in a basement, I could tell from the cement walls and lack of windows. There was a phone, and the dreadheaded asshole that brought me here. I slowly realize that I’m tied up. So, what does the super-intelligent-and-awesome-Aditi do? She curses. Loudly. The dreadhead looks at me, grinning. I finally realize who he is. He is the football genius who is only nice to pretty girls. Isn’t that a vote of confidence?
“You wanna call Hiruma?” he asked fake-politely.
“Pfft, one, I don’t know his number, and two, I don’t need to.”
“And why is that?” He may have been perturbed by my attitude change, but what can I say?? I’m snappy when kidnapped.
“I’m not that important, and a friend of mine’ll come down here and kick your sorry ass. No need to bother Hiruma.”
“Unless you’ve been out for about six hours.” SHITFUCKDAMN. I had forgotten he knocked me out.
“If you want me to call him, you have to give me the number and untie my hands.”
“I don’t accommodate ugly girls.”
“Bastard,” I spat on his shoe. “Amazing! I didn’t know I could spit that far!” I celebrated a bit.
Suddenly I realized something. “NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!” I howled like a wounded dog. “TY’LL HAVE EATEN MY CHOCOLATE!! AND IT’S YOUR FAULT!!!” I glared at him, he was still mad from the spit thing. “Gimme the damn phone, I’ll call Hiruma, free hands and number or no!”
Amazed at my anger (or just happy to get to the point) he dialed the phone and gave it to me. Holding it to my ear with my shoulder, I listened to the phone ring.
“Moshi moshi.” I heard Hiruma’s deadpan answer.
“Tell Ty if she ate my chocolate, she’s a dead girl.”
“Fucking Smartass! Where the hell are you?! I needed that film by 4!!” He roared, clearly pissed off.
“Talk to the fucking dreadhead, he’s the one who bumped into me, wouldn’t let go of my arm, knocked me out, tied me up, and gave Ty an excuse to eat my chocolate!!” I rattled off every small thing the evil had done me wrong, then stopped to catch my breath.
“So, you have the footage?”
“Yeah and Ty got all the games they’ve played this year.”
“Where is my footage?” I should have known.
“Mostly with Ty, but today’s is in my pack.”
“Which is with you?” I looked around.
“Yeah.”
“So where are you with MY FUCKING TAPES?!”
“I TOLD YOU! Some ass...” I got a kick in the back, “I mean, some incredibly hot, studly guy named Agon, just swept me up off my feet and carried me away to the most romantic BASEMENT I’ve ever seen.” My voice practically oozed sarcasm.
“Did he damage the tapes?” I finally got some sense.
“Yes. He damaged the tapes beyond repair.” I heard a gun being loaded, and then the line went dead. “He’ll be here in four and a half minutes!” I sneered at Agon. He looked appeased, so I went back to my corner and began gnawing the ropes binding me.
Or so Agon saw. Actually, I’d slid a knife out of my pack and began working on the ropes. I always kept at least one.
In about a minute, the ropes were cut, but it looked like I was still bound. I waited, humming a happy tune, and planning my escape from the evils that were raging here faster than I’d imagined.
In two minutes, I heard angry footsteps heading down the stairs. I ‘eep’ed and got ready to move. Hiruma took one step into the basement and I bolted. Tossing the tapes at Hiruma, who caught them all, I ran faster than I ever imagined possible up and out. I came out in a part of town I knew well, and skittered down an ally, knowing full well Hiruma would be after me soon. I could already hear the guns. I didn’t get far, but I got far enough to borrow a friend’s motorcycle.
When I got home, Ty and the munch-rats were waiting. Ty handed me some chocolate and I ran to my room. Ty followed me.
“Where the hell were you?!” She yelled as I scribbled a last will and testament.
I told her the story in a rush, and said, panting, “Get this legalized!”
I promptly passed out from exertion.
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