FicWad

Hermione awoke with a jerk. Which, she reflected, was not a very nice way to describe Harry, but he had really annoyed her the night before, and she wasn't feeling all that charitable. She sat up, looked around, then, thinking she must still be dreaming, she laid back down and closed her eyes.

After counting to ten, she opened her eyes again. The room hadn't changed. It was still a small, round room with a round green door at the end.

As she continued to look around, a small memory fired in the back of her mind. It hung back a little, mocking and taunting her, until she grabbed it by the scruff of its neck and dragged it, kicking and screaming in to the light. But when she had it, part of her wished she had left well enough alone.

"In a hole in the ground, there lived a hobbit..."

She was in bed, in Bag End. And she was in bed with Harry.

After a moment's thought, she realised she didn't know which one of those disturbed her more.

xoxox

"Harry - wake up"

"Mhrg"

"Harry - wake up"

"Mhrg!"

Hermione stared down at the boy next to her, then pulled out her wand.

"Aguamenti" A jet of water shot out of the end of her wand, and soaked her companion.

"What the hell was that for?" He yelled, then stopped "Hermione?"

"Yes, Harry?"

"Why are you in your pajamas?" He paused "And why are you in my bedroom?" He paused again "And when did my bedroom become so... round?" He sank back on to the bed "What the hell is going on?"

"I don't know. I woke up a few moments before you did" She looked around "And I could be wrong, but I think we are in Bag End"

"Because that explains it all" He said, throwing his hands up "What's Bag End?" She stared at him.

"Didn't you read Lord Of The Rings or The Hobbit as a child?" She asked in disbelief.

"Do you think The Dursleys are the type to read books about wizards?" He asked softly, and she suddenly understood.

"Oh - I guess not" She looked around "Well - Lord Of The Rings and The Hobbit are set in a land called Middle Earth, and are all about good vs evil, light vs dark, coke vs...no wait - that's not right" She looked around again "They are both about quests to defeat bad guys, and are full of battles, magic, heroes, villains and all that stuff" She paused, and smiled "Kind of like our life for the past four years really"

"So - why are we here?" He walked over to the door, and pushed it open "And why is Mrs Weasley pottering around in the kitchen?"

"Really?" Hermione jumped to her feet and raced over to the door "Maybe we should go ask her" She made to leave, then stopped "But maybe we should both get dressed first!"

xoxox

"Frodo my girl!" Mrs Weasley turned as Hermione and Harry entered the room "And young Samwise" She beamed at them "I made you breakfast" They both stared at her, then at each other.

"Frodo?"

"Nominal Hero of Lord Of The Rings" Hermione replied "Though I always thought Sam was the true hero" She paused "You know what we need?"

"A copy of the book?" Harry asked hopefully.

"Well - yeah. But I was thinking we need someone who knows everything that is going on to come and explain it to us" She sat down at the table, then jumped up as there was a knock at the door. Mrs Weasley went in to the hall, and opened the door.

"Gandalf! This is a surprise" Mrs Weasley's voice came back, and Hermione smiled.

"Dumbledore will know what to do" She smiled at Harry, then added "Powerful wizard who knows everything, even though he is a little... eccentric sometimes" They both turned, then stared in surprise as the person who followed Mrs Weasley back in to the room.

"Hello Hermione. Hello Harry. I suppose you are wondering why you are here?"

There was a moment of shocked silence, then, as one, Harry and Hermione spoke.

"LUNA?"

xoxox

A few minutes later, Hermione, Harry and Luna were secluded in the main study at Bag End.

"So - what's going on?" Harry asked.

"Voldemort is trying to kill you" Luna said.

"Yes - I got that much. But..." He waved his arms around "This?"

"Oh - you should have been more specific" Luna shook her head admonishingly "With the blood protection, and the wards at Hogwarts, he thinks he can't attack you directly. So, he has cast a spell to trap us all in one of Hermione's books"

"Lord of The Rings" Hermione said.

"Yes. He thought about War and Peace, but can't wait that long, and he thought about Piggy Goes Oink, but that was too short, and he thought about The Wizard of Oz, but Bella didn't want a house dropped on her, so he picked this"

"So - how do we get out?"

"You can't" Luna replied. The other two stared at her "Well - you can, but only if you go through to the end of the book"

"Oh, is that all?" Harry asked, then looked at Hermione, who was looking less than happy "Hermione?"

"We have to follow the exact plot?" She asked Luna.

"More or less" Luna said "You are both hobbits, and can't use magic. So you can't just pop over to Mount Doom and dump the ring..." She saw Harry staring at her with a look of utter confusion on his face "... but because you know what's going on, you can manipulate the book to your own ends" She held up her staff and pointed it at Harry "Memoras Transportum Et Omnia" There was a blinding flash of light.

"We have to go through all that?" Harry asked in surprise. Then he stared at Luna "What did you do?"

"Took pity on Hermione" Luna said with a smirk "I thought if she had to spend the next few days explaining every little bit of the book, she might go crazy"

"Damn right" Hermione muttered to herself "So - since you, and Mrs Weasley, are here, I guess Voldemort dragged more people in?" Luna nodded "But we three are the only ones who know?" Luna shook her head "Who else?"

"Take a guess"

"Oh bugger" Hermione sighed "Still - three of us, one of him I suppose" She paused, then continued "Can we call you Luna, or do we have to call you Gandalf?"

"Everyone else will hear what they should, but it's up to you" Luna replied "Plus I don't think I suit Olorin at all" Hermione smirked, then stood up "So - where do we start?"

"With A LONG EXPECTED PARTY" Harry replied, then added "Why are some of my words coming out in capitals?"