FicWad

"So... basically hobbits are a bunch of stoners?"

Harry and Hermione had been wandering around Molly's birthday party for about half an hour, and every single one of the guests seemed to be smoking weed.

"Pretty much, yeah" Hermione smiled "And, thinking about it, it does explain why they all eat so much"

"You know - we could abandon this quest thing, and just open a taco stand here. We would make a killing" Harry looked around again, then saw Molly coming towards them.

"Frodo lass - are you ready for my speech?" Molly asked.

"Yes, Aunt Bilbo" Hermione nodded dutifully, then glanced over at Harry "Sam, do you want to come with us?" There was a pause, then Hermione realised Harry wasn't paying any attention "Sam?"

"Yes Her... Frodo?" Harry turned back.

"You weren't listening to me, were you?"

"Yes I was"

"What was the last thing I said?"

"You said Sam" Harry smirked as Hermione rolled her eyes "I just thought I saw someone over there I recognised"

"Oh" Hermione followed his gaze, then shrugged "Okay - you go investigate. I am going to go with my Aunt as she has to make a speech"

"KK" Harry walked away, heading for the back of a tent he thought he had seen two boys sneaking in to. But before he could reach it there was a huge boom, and giant Horntail shot from the tent in a burst of fire, and flew away. Harry stared at it for a moment, then turned back to see a pair of identical red-heads stood in the tent, trying not to look guilty.

"Hey Sam" George Weasley said with a smile.

"Hey Sam" Fred Weasley echoed.

"So"

"What did"

"You think"

"Of our latest"

"Product?" Harry's head whipped back and forth between the two of them as they spoke, then his brain caught up with the words.

"Product?"

"We were thinking of going in to business together" George smiled "We are going to call it Merry's Mirthful Mischiefs"

"I thought we were going to call it Pippin's Practical Pranks?" Fred replied. They stared at each other for a moment, then both turned back to Harry.

"So - where is our lovely cousin?" They both asked. Harry still stared at them in disbelief, then shook himself.

"She's over with Mistress Bilbo" Harry replied without thinking, then blushed "Not that I am suggesting Bilbo is anyone's mistress of course. I mean she could be, but..." Fred and George stared at him as he went more and more red, then they both laughed.

"Don't worry Sam, we won't tell if you don't"

"Thank god"

xoxox

Hermione and Molly had nearly reached the tree where Molly was to make her farewell speec when they were joined by Luna.

"So, Bilbo, you are still resolved to go ahead with your plan?" Luna asked in a serious voice.

"I am" Molly smiled "I know I don't look it, but I feel... old" She looked around "I will miss everyone, of course, but I want to travel before I die, and if I don't do it now then I feel that I never will"

"And if you don't go, there'll be no story" Hermione added.

"True" Molly looked around "Do you think it's time for my speech? It's ever so good"

Suddenly there was a boom from the far end of the field, and a huge dragon flew up and off in to the distance. Hermione turned back to Luna.

"One of your's?"

"Your cousins" Luna replied "Such a pair of pranksters..." But broke off laughing as Hermione put her head in her hands "Just remember - it's not my fault so don't hurt me too much"

"Yes, Gandalf" Hermione said with the air of one who sees a lot of annoyance in her future. She turned to Molly "Come on Aunty - let's go"

xoxox

"FRIENDS, HOBBITS, COUNTRYMEN!" Molly's voice rang out across the field "LEND ME YOUR EARS"

"But we did that on your last birthday" George called out "What did you do with them?"

"I stuck them on my chariot" Molly replied with a smile.

"Why?" Fred called back.

"BECAUSE THEY WERE CHARIOTEARS" Everyone chorused the reply, then broke in to laughter. Hermione leaned over to Harry.

"And this is why you shouldn't smoke weed" She whispered.

"But seriously" Molly resumed talking "We are here to celebrate my elevntyfirst birthday, our should I say OUR birthday, because today is also the birthday of my niece and heir Miss Frodo Baggins" She smiled down at Hermione, who blushed "But I also called you here today to make an announcement" A hush fell across the crowd, although Harry heard a small child asking her mother 'What's a nouncement?' After a pause, Molly looked around "Although a hundred and eleven years is far too short a time to spend amongst such excellent hobbits, I am afraid this is good-bye. I am going, and I am leaving. Now" As Molly spoke her final words, Hermione grabbed Harry and pulled him off the stage. A moment later there was a massive flash of light, and when it had faded, Molly was gone. There was a moment of absolute silence, then, from the back of the field, Fred spoke.

"Well - there's something you don't see every day"

xoxox

"So - I'm off" Molly had returned to Bag End, and was talking to Luna before she left.

"Okay. See you in a bit" Luna replied, then snapped her fingers "Did you leave the keys to the door?"

"Yes"

"Deeds?"

"Yes"

"Little insignificant ring that in no way could bring about the end of the world and certainly doesn't belong to the most evil being ever to walk the face of the earth?"

"Yes"

"Are you lying to me Bilbo?"

"Yes" Molly held up the chain with the ring on "You really think I should give this to Frodo? She never struck me as the girly-girl type who'd like a ring" She paused "Except maybe from Sam"

"Well - that aside, you really should leave it" Luna smiled "So - stick it in the envelope and put it on the mantle, then get going"

"Okay" Molly held up the ring, then turned to Luna "Are you sure you shouldn't take it?" Luna stared at the ring for a moment, then shook her head.

"Best not" She replied "It wouldn't go with the one I have already" She watched as Molly put the envelope on the fireplace, then walked out the door, singing to herself.

"I'm off to see the wizard..."

xoxox

Hermione came in half an hour later.

"So - she's gone then?"

"Yes - she's gone" Luna nodded "But I got her to give up the ring before she went, so we can get on with this now"

"We don't have to wait seventeen years?" Hermione asked in surprise.

"Well - you can if you want, but I can't imagine it's going to be that entertaining"

"But - I could use the time to study for my OWLS" Hermione moaned, then, at the amused expression on her friend's face, she sighed "Okay"

"Then - repeat after me - 'And with that, seventeen years passed'"

"And with that, seventeen years passed" They both looked around "Did it work?"

"I think you forgot the italics"

"Oh yeah - sorry" Hermione smirked, then said "And with that, seventeen years passed"

xoxox

Seventeen years passed

xoxox

"That was fast" Harry said, coming in to the room a few minutes later "And you really should have seen the sun streaking across the sky. Very cool"

"So - Gandalf - I have to ask. Is there any possibility that this ring used to belong to Sauron, and now he wants it back to he can conquer the world and kill anyone who stands in his way, including all the sweet little hobbits?"

"Why yes Frodo, I think there is"

"And is there any chance we can't use, hide nor destroy it in The Shire?"

"Why yes Frodo, I think there is"

"And is there any chance you could just ask the eagles to fly us straight to Mount Doom so we can cut out all the crap in between?"

"Why yes Frodo, I think there is?"

"Really?"

"No, not really" Luna stared at the looks on their faces, and cackled "Oh this is going to be fun".

"So - me and Sam have to go on a trip?" Hermione looked across at Harry "You up for a bit of an adventure?"

"Why yes Fro..." Before he could finish, he was interrupted by a flying pillow.

"Don't you start" She turned back to Luna "I don't suppose you would like to take the ring? I mean - you still have your magic, and that really big, and impressive staff and all"

"Okay" Luna replied.

"Really?" Hermione stared at her.

"No, not really" Luna shook her head "Seriously - this is going to be a lot of fun" She looked at her watch "Come on - we should get going. I have to go and be captured by this guy in a tower, and you have to go to Bree"

"Don't we need to enlist Tweedle-Dumb and Tweedle-Dumber?" Hermione asked, but Harry raised his hand "Sam?"

"I did that last night" He shrugged "I figured it would save time"

"Well done, young Sam" Luna said in an imperious voice, then giggled "I think I am going to like being Gandalf" She turned, opened the door, then straddled her staff.

"You can't fly on that, can you?" Harry asked.

"Of course not" Luna admonished "But I always wanted a pony when I was a kid" She waved goodbye, then yelled "Hi-ho Silver! Away!!" and galloped out of the house. The two of them watched her go, then Harry turned to Hermione.

"You know - I love her and all, but I am glad she didn't take the ring"

"Why?"

"Can you imagine what Middle Earth might be like if she was in charge?" Hermione stared at him for a moment, then shivered "See what I mean?"

xoxox

Half an hour later, the four hobbits left the bounds of Hobbiton. A moment later, the twins started singing.

"Hi-ho, hi-ho, It's off to Bree we go. With a hero, a brain and a pair of pains"

"This is going to be a long, long trip"

"Where did Luna get a watch from?"