Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Lost In Middle Earth
What Did You Do In The War, Pippin?
0 reviewsAs The Fellowship arrives in Lothlorien, they have a sad tale to tell.....
1Funny
As the eight travelers struggled up the road, Harry suddenly caught sight of someone coming towards them.
"Frodo?"
"Yes Sam?"
"Isn't that Remus?" Hermione stared up the path, then smiled.
"Why yes, I believe it is" She smiled again "Do you think he is coming to help?"
"I do hope" Harry glanced back at the range of mountains behind them "We could do with some more help"
The group came to a stop as Remus approached them.
"My name is Haldir, and I am here to escort you to the Lord and Lady of this realm"
"Cool" Cedric replied. They set off walking again, but Remus kept glancing at Harry.
"What?" Harry stared at him.
"You look familiar to me" Remus looked at him curiously "Do I know your parents?"
"I don't think so" Harry replied.
"Oh. Sorry"
xoxox
"May I welcome you to Caras Galadhon, and introduce you to Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel" As he stood aside, Harry's mouth fell open in surprise.
"So - I guess he does know your parents after all then" Hermione stared up at the Lord and Lady of Lorien, or James and Lily Potter as they were also known.
xoxox
"Now that you are settled, and fed, I have a question" Lily said "I know that when you set off, there were nine of you, but only eight passed the borders of our land" She looked around "Where is Gandalf?" She stared at them for a moment.
Everyone turned, and as one, stared at Fred, who went bright red.
"I still say it wasn't my fault" He declared.
"Is someone going to tell me, or am I going to have to ground you all?" James yelled.
"Well - here's what happened" Hermione said.
xoxox
(flashback)
"The trip through Moria stared... badly"
"Gandalf, I don't wish to hurry you, but a giant squid is trying to eat Frodo"
"God - it's always something with you people!" Luna glared up at the wall, then smiled "I've got it! I know the answer!!"
"Then let us in already! Sheesh!"
"Peskipiksi Pesternomi!" Luna yelled, then smiled as the doors to Moria opened "So - what are you all waiting for? Oh - and Pippin?"
"Yes Gandalf?"
"Do up your laces before you trip over"
xoxox
"But then it got better, if you can call walking through the pitch-black night of an ancient dwarvish city better"
"Sam?"
"Yes Frodo?"
"Can you hear the tiny patter of footsteps?"
"Why yes Frodo, I can"
"You know who it is?"
"Why yes..."
"Stop that, or I'll make you sleep on the floor"
"Sorry" He glanced round "Should we talk to him now?"
"Best not" Hermione looked over at where Draco was marching along "I think our good friend Malfoy is likely to slay him on sight"
"Good point" Harry smiled "Good to know some things never change"
xoxox
"And then we stopped to camp for the night, and that's when things went a little... wrong"
"Why is that?"
"Because that's when Pippin stepped to the plate"
"We will set up camp here" Luna announced "And, by the way, watch out for the big hole in the middle of the floor" She looked around "Pippin - you get first watch"
"Watch out for the hole" Fred mimicked Luna's voice, then he walked over to it "Wow. That is a pretty impressive hole" He looked around, and picked up a small pebble "I wonder how deep it is?" He looked down the hole, then at the pebble. Then he glanced back at Luna, then shrugged, and dropped the pebble. And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Sploosh
"What was that?" Luna span round.
"Nothing" Fred replied, trying to look innocent.
"What. Did. You. Do?" She stared at him.
"I kind of dropped a stone down the well" He said.
"Oh for bleep's sake. What do you bleeping think this bleeping is? A bleeping bleeps bleeping bleep. Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep!!" She paused "And what did I tell you about your bleeping laces?"
"Bleep!" Hermione said "I didn't even know you could use bleep as an adverb"
xoxox
"But, we carried on with our march, but then made a somewhat depressing find"
"Balin, son of Fundin. Lord of Moria. Born in Dale with love and friendship. Died in Moria with an orc's spike up his bum" Neville looked at the tombstone "So - it's true. He's dead"
"Either that, or the dwarves got bored and carved it for fun" Luna replied, then - at the expression on Neville's face, she shook her head "No - he is probably dead"
"Gandalf - we have found a book" Fred and George carried it over, and put it down in front of her. She looked down.
"balinsfolk . livejournal . com" She stared at it "It looks like a record of their time here" She opened it "Day 1 : We arrived, and found lots of mithril. We started digging. Day 2 : More digging. Day 3 : Yet more digging. Day 4 : Dig-diggity-dig-dig-dig" She looked up "Do you mind if I skip ahead?"
"By all means"
"Day 162 : We heard the drumming in the deep. And not a nice, soothing drumming, but a nasty, scary drumming" She flicked on a few more pages "Day 164: Balin, Lord of Moria, is dead. But on the upside, at least now we get to use that tombstone we carved for fun during our rest period yesterday" She turned the page, then, in a solemn voice, read the last entry "Day 165 : So, here it comes - the sound of drums. Here come the drums. Here come, the drums" She looked up and closed the book "I think we are done here, don't you?"
xoxox
"And then... well then it all went very wrong, very quickly"
"Is everyone here?" Luna asked.
"Yes"
"Good - now get across the bridge. The orcs are trapped by the huge chasm of fire, and they can't get over it"
"Okay"
The company started to cross the bridge, then, when they had reached the other side, they all turned back, and Draco screamed.
"What now?" Hermione asked.
"Aiieee! AIEEE!! A snorkack!! A SNORKACK HAS COME!!!"
"Don't be silly. Snorkacks don't exist" She turned her back on him, then stopped dead.
Crossing the huge chasm of fire was an immense creature, robed in fire and carrying a massive whip of flame. As it came closer, they could see a huge horn sticking out of the top of it's head.
"Well - I'll be buggered" She exclaimed.
"All of you go" Luna said seriously "This is a foe beyond your measure"
"We can't leave you"
"Okay - you fight it then!"
"Seriously?"
"Of course not! Don't you people get me?" Luna yelled, then turned to face the oncoming beast "YOU CAN NOT PASS! I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE FIFTH HOUSE! KEEPER OF THE SACRED CHALICE OF RIIX!! HEIR TO THE HOLY... no, that's supposed to be a secret... YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"
She pulled out her staff, and sent a bolt of lightening at the rocks on which the monster was stood. The rock-face collapsed, and the creature slipped, then fell down in to the abyss.
"See - it wasn't that hard, was it?"
xoxox
(end flashback)
"So - if she survived the fight with the snorkack, where is she?" Lily asked. Hermione turned and glared at Fred
"Well - when I heard the fight, I rushed back to help" He said "But my lace had come undone, and..."
(flashback)
Fred trips, and falls in to Hermione, who falls on to Harry, who knocks Luna in to the abyss. For a moment, they all stand there, then they hear a voice yelling "Fly you foooooools!" Harry stared down in to to the darkness, then looked up.
"I would have thought she'd be better off flying than us right now"
"Frodo?"
"Yes Sam?"
"Isn't that Remus?" Hermione stared up the path, then smiled.
"Why yes, I believe it is" She smiled again "Do you think he is coming to help?"
"I do hope" Harry glanced back at the range of mountains behind them "We could do with some more help"
The group came to a stop as Remus approached them.
"My name is Haldir, and I am here to escort you to the Lord and Lady of this realm"
"Cool" Cedric replied. They set off walking again, but Remus kept glancing at Harry.
"What?" Harry stared at him.
"You look familiar to me" Remus looked at him curiously "Do I know your parents?"
"I don't think so" Harry replied.
"Oh. Sorry"
xoxox
"May I welcome you to Caras Galadhon, and introduce you to Lord Celeborn and Lady Galadriel" As he stood aside, Harry's mouth fell open in surprise.
"So - I guess he does know your parents after all then" Hermione stared up at the Lord and Lady of Lorien, or James and Lily Potter as they were also known.
xoxox
"Now that you are settled, and fed, I have a question" Lily said "I know that when you set off, there were nine of you, but only eight passed the borders of our land" She looked around "Where is Gandalf?" She stared at them for a moment.
Everyone turned, and as one, stared at Fred, who went bright red.
"I still say it wasn't my fault" He declared.
"Is someone going to tell me, or am I going to have to ground you all?" James yelled.
"Well - here's what happened" Hermione said.
xoxox
(flashback)
"The trip through Moria stared... badly"
"Gandalf, I don't wish to hurry you, but a giant squid is trying to eat Frodo"
"God - it's always something with you people!" Luna glared up at the wall, then smiled "I've got it! I know the answer!!"
"Then let us in already! Sheesh!"
"Peskipiksi Pesternomi!" Luna yelled, then smiled as the doors to Moria opened "So - what are you all waiting for? Oh - and Pippin?"
"Yes Gandalf?"
"Do up your laces before you trip over"
xoxox
"But then it got better, if you can call walking through the pitch-black night of an ancient dwarvish city better"
"Sam?"
"Yes Frodo?"
"Can you hear the tiny patter of footsteps?"
"Why yes Frodo, I can"
"You know who it is?"
"Why yes..."
"Stop that, or I'll make you sleep on the floor"
"Sorry" He glanced round "Should we talk to him now?"
"Best not" Hermione looked over at where Draco was marching along "I think our good friend Malfoy is likely to slay him on sight"
"Good point" Harry smiled "Good to know some things never change"
xoxox
"And then we stopped to camp for the night, and that's when things went a little... wrong"
"Why is that?"
"Because that's when Pippin stepped to the plate"
"We will set up camp here" Luna announced "And, by the way, watch out for the big hole in the middle of the floor" She looked around "Pippin - you get first watch"
"Watch out for the hole" Fred mimicked Luna's voice, then he walked over to it "Wow. That is a pretty impressive hole" He looked around, and picked up a small pebble "I wonder how deep it is?" He looked down the hole, then at the pebble. Then he glanced back at Luna, then shrugged, and dropped the pebble. And waited.
And waited.
And waited.
Sploosh
"What was that?" Luna span round.
"Nothing" Fred replied, trying to look innocent.
"What. Did. You. Do?" She stared at him.
"I kind of dropped a stone down the well" He said.
"Oh for bleep's sake. What do you bleeping think this bleeping is? A bleeping bleeps bleeping bleep. Bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep bleep!!" She paused "And what did I tell you about your bleeping laces?"
"Bleep!" Hermione said "I didn't even know you could use bleep as an adverb"
xoxox
"But, we carried on with our march, but then made a somewhat depressing find"
"Balin, son of Fundin. Lord of Moria. Born in Dale with love and friendship. Died in Moria with an orc's spike up his bum" Neville looked at the tombstone "So - it's true. He's dead"
"Either that, or the dwarves got bored and carved it for fun" Luna replied, then - at the expression on Neville's face, she shook her head "No - he is probably dead"
"Gandalf - we have found a book" Fred and George carried it over, and put it down in front of her. She looked down.
"balinsfolk . livejournal . com" She stared at it "It looks like a record of their time here" She opened it "Day 1 : We arrived, and found lots of mithril. We started digging. Day 2 : More digging. Day 3 : Yet more digging. Day 4 : Dig-diggity-dig-dig-dig" She looked up "Do you mind if I skip ahead?"
"By all means"
"Day 162 : We heard the drumming in the deep. And not a nice, soothing drumming, but a nasty, scary drumming" She flicked on a few more pages "Day 164: Balin, Lord of Moria, is dead. But on the upside, at least now we get to use that tombstone we carved for fun during our rest period yesterday" She turned the page, then, in a solemn voice, read the last entry "Day 165 : So, here it comes - the sound of drums. Here come the drums. Here come, the drums" She looked up and closed the book "I think we are done here, don't you?"
xoxox
"And then... well then it all went very wrong, very quickly"
"Is everyone here?" Luna asked.
"Yes"
"Good - now get across the bridge. The orcs are trapped by the huge chasm of fire, and they can't get over it"
"Okay"
The company started to cross the bridge, then, when they had reached the other side, they all turned back, and Draco screamed.
"What now?" Hermione asked.
"Aiieee! AIEEE!! A snorkack!! A SNORKACK HAS COME!!!"
"Don't be silly. Snorkacks don't exist" She turned her back on him, then stopped dead.
Crossing the huge chasm of fire was an immense creature, robed in fire and carrying a massive whip of flame. As it came closer, they could see a huge horn sticking out of the top of it's head.
"Well - I'll be buggered" She exclaimed.
"All of you go" Luna said seriously "This is a foe beyond your measure"
"We can't leave you"
"Okay - you fight it then!"
"Seriously?"
"Of course not! Don't you people get me?" Luna yelled, then turned to face the oncoming beast "YOU CAN NOT PASS! I AM A DAUGHTER OF THE FIFTH HOUSE! KEEPER OF THE SACRED CHALICE OF RIIX!! HEIR TO THE HOLY... no, that's supposed to be a secret... YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!"
She pulled out her staff, and sent a bolt of lightening at the rocks on which the monster was stood. The rock-face collapsed, and the creature slipped, then fell down in to the abyss.
"See - it wasn't that hard, was it?"
xoxox
(end flashback)
"So - if she survived the fight with the snorkack, where is she?" Lily asked. Hermione turned and glared at Fred
"Well - when I heard the fight, I rushed back to help" He said "But my lace had come undone, and..."
(flashback)
Fred trips, and falls in to Hermione, who falls on to Harry, who knocks Luna in to the abyss. For a moment, they all stand there, then they hear a voice yelling "Fly you foooooools!" Harry stared down in to to the darkness, then looked up.
"I would have thought she'd be better off flying than us right now"
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