Categories > Books > Harry Potter
Broomsticks, or The Male Ego of Draco Malfoy?
2 reviewsThe confrontation between Harry and co. and Draco Malfoy and the Slytherin Quidditch team in "The Chamber of Secrets". YOu thought you knew how it went? Think again.
5Funny
Broomsticks, or The Male Ego of Draco Malfoy?
By stealacandy
Author's Note: story in need of a Beta. Any volunteers?
Disclaimer: Harry never read 'Hogwarts: a History'. Neither have I. I did read, however, a few books title "Ha rry Potter and the somewhat stupid name" - or something along those lines. I must tell you, I happned to notice the name on the cover said "J. K. Rowling." Last time I checked, that wasn't the name I was going by.
Alas.
Broomsticks, or The Male Ego of Draco Malfoy?
By stealacandy
"...At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy his place!" said Hermione and yada yada yada.
Before Malfoy could comment on the imaginary of mud in her bloodstream, Harry spoke up.
"You know, Malfoy, I never pegged you as one to take pride in his broomstick and all," he said.
"What do you mean by that," Malfoy sneered out.
"Well, you know, you're the traditional wizard kind, aren't you?" asked Harry.
"Well... yeah," Malfoy agreed.
"Yeah, thought so," said Harry. "Well, don't you know? Wizards riding brooms is a new thing. Everyone knows - even the muggles do, actually - that witches ride broomsticks. Wizards stay on the ground." Harry paused, then reconsidered. "At least, in Europe." he remanded. "At least, they used to, that is. In the east, and the orient, it was the wizards who did all the flying, you see, on magic carpets, while their women stayed on the ground, or, at most, hitchhiked a ride with their men. Also in the new world, it was the men who flew, soaring with the birds in spirit form, and again, the women stayed on the ground. But here, in Europe, the men would walk the earth like good wizards, and let the witch-folk frolic around in the air as was their wont."
"You see, Draco," Harry continued, "it's only in recent times, under the influence of muggle-born wizards, and maybe a half-blood or two, that wizards too took up flying, and on broomsticks as well. Used to fly on flying carpets, but then some meddling pure-blood got it prohibited, using the muggle-protection laws of all things as their excuse, stating the carpet is a muggle device. Of course, broomsticks are just as muggle, but broomsticks are a European - and English - tradition, and carpets are not. So they got carpets banned, and only broomsticks were left. And they were already popular with the wizards - at least those who didn't mind the old pure-blood traditions."
"Tell me, Ron," Harry said, turning to his friend. "That Quidditch group, all-witch round, what was it's name again?"
"Hollyhead Harpies, Harry," Ron said helpfully.
"Yes, them." Harry said. He turned back to face Malfoy. "The early Quidditch players were all women, of course, but the game didn't really hit it until men got into it as well. Still, a relic of the past is that Quidditch team, the Harpies, made only of witches. That's why all the Death Eaters - oh, I'm sorry, meant to say 'pure=bloods' - that's why they all root for them."
"So you see, Malfoy," Harry concluded, "a wizard flying, on a brom, and playing quidditch is breaking old, pure-blood wizarding tradition in so many ways - like an oriental savage, like a muggle-born who never knew any better, and like a sissy witch!"
Draco took it all in., Then, turning to Crabb, who was holding Draco's broom while he confronted the Gryffindors with his hand in his pocket, resting comfortably on his wand, (...no not that one, you sick perverts!) he bellowed "Give me that!" and grabbed his broomstick, tossing it on the ground, stepping on it until it snapped, then casting "Incendio!" on the twigs. It was short work, and soon all the Slytherins' new Nimbus 2001s met a similar fate.
"Huh!" laughed Malfoy. "Who's the sissy now, Potter?" and he marched off the field, with a train of slightly bewildered Slytherins behind him.
A short while after, Hermione finally found her breath.
"Harry!" she said. "That's not true! Hogwarts: A History says wizards have been flying since-"
"I never read that book, Hermione," Harry cut her off. "And I guess it's a good thing Malfoy never read it either."
"You mean to tell me you just convinced Malfoy to destroy all the broomsticks of the Slytherin team so he wouldn't break a tradition you just made up?" asked Fred or George.
"Yes, more or less," agreed Harry.
"Harry, you are our God!" said George or Fred.
"And I also probably got him to root for the Harpies, the all-girl Quidditch group," said Harry, happily. "How sissy is that?"
Fred-or-George and George-or-Fred looked at each other. Then they looked at Harry and (one of them) said:
"Errr... Harry-"
"There's nothing feminine" said the other,
"Not sissy at all-" said the first,
"To root for the Hollyhead Harpies." they finished together.
"Really?" asked Harry, intrigued.
"Boy, he's still got a lot to learn," said one of the Gryffindor chasers.
"So, who's gonna teach him?" asked another.
Author's Note: In the disclaimer I stated I never read 'Hogwarts: A History'. That is true. In dfact, I don't believe anyone ever had. But I also never read 'Quidditch Through the Ages'.
I mean, charity is a good thing. I give to cancer-aid and cancer-awarness groups, food for the poor groups, crutches, wheelchairs, ambulatory services, heart-rate gauges and other medical instruments for the needy groups, various religeous groups, beggers, people with violins in the town square and drug-addicts in the street corners. But to donate for relief for comedians? Not only they get paid while I write humor fics for free, those commies also get enough of my tax money as support from the government! They don't also need charity organizations!
So, anyway, I don't really know what I'm talking about. But, as one reviewer said, it does make sense.
A/N:
I got this idea stuck in my head. Got another Malfoy/Harry confortation sticking there, it's already funny, but I'm looking for a way to turn it into Draco doing something stupid in the end, still have to iron the detail.
Anyway, I want to appologise for "The Trial" taking its good time, only my Beta for the story has taken a week-and-a-half (so far) long 4th of July vacation, and hasn't been heard of since... I'm still waiting for her notes on my notes on her notes for chapter 1, and her notes on the rest of the chapters too.
Till then,
Adieu,
-mo
By stealacandy
Summary: The confrontation between Harry and co. and Draco Malfoy and the Slytherin Quidditch team in "The Chamber of Secrets". You thought you knew how it went? Think again.
Author's Note: story in need of a Beta. Any volunteers?
Disclaimer: Harry never read 'Hogwarts: a History'. Neither have I. I did read, however, a few books title "Ha rry Potter and the somewhat stupid name" - or something along those lines. I must tell you, I happned to notice the name on the cover said "J. K. Rowling." Last time I checked, that wasn't the name I was going by.
Alas.
Broomsticks, or The Male Ego of Draco Malfoy?
By stealacandy
"...At least no one on the Gryffindor team had to buy his place!" said Hermione and yada yada yada.
Before Malfoy could comment on the imaginary of mud in her bloodstream, Harry spoke up.
"You know, Malfoy, I never pegged you as one to take pride in his broomstick and all," he said.
"What do you mean by that," Malfoy sneered out.
"Well, you know, you're the traditional wizard kind, aren't you?" asked Harry.
"Well... yeah," Malfoy agreed.
"Yeah, thought so," said Harry. "Well, don't you know? Wizards riding brooms is a new thing. Everyone knows - even the muggles do, actually - that witches ride broomsticks. Wizards stay on the ground." Harry paused, then reconsidered. "At least, in Europe." he remanded. "At least, they used to, that is. In the east, and the orient, it was the wizards who did all the flying, you see, on magic carpets, while their women stayed on the ground, or, at most, hitchhiked a ride with their men. Also in the new world, it was the men who flew, soaring with the birds in spirit form, and again, the women stayed on the ground. But here, in Europe, the men would walk the earth like good wizards, and let the witch-folk frolic around in the air as was their wont."
"You see, Draco," Harry continued, "it's only in recent times, under the influence of muggle-born wizards, and maybe a half-blood or two, that wizards too took up flying, and on broomsticks as well. Used to fly on flying carpets, but then some meddling pure-blood got it prohibited, using the muggle-protection laws of all things as their excuse, stating the carpet is a muggle device. Of course, broomsticks are just as muggle, but broomsticks are a European - and English - tradition, and carpets are not. So they got carpets banned, and only broomsticks were left. And they were already popular with the wizards - at least those who didn't mind the old pure-blood traditions."
"Tell me, Ron," Harry said, turning to his friend. "That Quidditch group, all-witch round, what was it's name again?"
"Hollyhead Harpies, Harry," Ron said helpfully.
"Yes, them." Harry said. He turned back to face Malfoy. "The early Quidditch players were all women, of course, but the game didn't really hit it until men got into it as well. Still, a relic of the past is that Quidditch team, the Harpies, made only of witches. That's why all the Death Eaters - oh, I'm sorry, meant to say 'pure=bloods' - that's why they all root for them."
"So you see, Malfoy," Harry concluded, "a wizard flying, on a brom, and playing quidditch is breaking old, pure-blood wizarding tradition in so many ways - like an oriental savage, like a muggle-born who never knew any better, and like a sissy witch!"
Draco took it all in., Then, turning to Crabb, who was holding Draco's broom while he confronted the Gryffindors with his hand in his pocket, resting comfortably on his wand, (...no not that one, you sick perverts!) he bellowed "Give me that!" and grabbed his broomstick, tossing it on the ground, stepping on it until it snapped, then casting "Incendio!" on the twigs. It was short work, and soon all the Slytherins' new Nimbus 2001s met a similar fate.
"Huh!" laughed Malfoy. "Who's the sissy now, Potter?" and he marched off the field, with a train of slightly bewildered Slytherins behind him.
A short while after, Hermione finally found her breath.
"Harry!" she said. "That's not true! Hogwarts: A History says wizards have been flying since-"
"I never read that book, Hermione," Harry cut her off. "And I guess it's a good thing Malfoy never read it either."
"You mean to tell me you just convinced Malfoy to destroy all the broomsticks of the Slytherin team so he wouldn't break a tradition you just made up?" asked Fred or George.
"Yes, more or less," agreed Harry.
"Harry, you are our God!" said George or Fred.
"And I also probably got him to root for the Harpies, the all-girl Quidditch group," said Harry, happily. "How sissy is that?"
Fred-or-George and George-or-Fred looked at each other. Then they looked at Harry and (one of them) said:
"Errr... Harry-"
"There's nothing feminine" said the other,
"Not sissy at all-" said the first,
"To root for the Hollyhead Harpies." they finished together.
"Really?" asked Harry, intrigued.
"Boy, he's still got a lot to learn," said one of the Gryffindor chasers.
"So, who's gonna teach him?" asked another.
Author's Note: In the disclaimer I stated I never read 'Hogwarts: A History'. That is true. In dfact, I don't believe anyone ever had. But I also never read 'Quidditch Through the Ages'.
I mean, charity is a good thing. I give to cancer-aid and cancer-awarness groups, food for the poor groups, crutches, wheelchairs, ambulatory services, heart-rate gauges and other medical instruments for the needy groups, various religeous groups, beggers, people with violins in the town square and drug-addicts in the street corners. But to donate for relief for comedians? Not only they get paid while I write humor fics for free, those commies also get enough of my tax money as support from the government! They don't also need charity organizations!
So, anyway, I don't really know what I'm talking about. But, as one reviewer said, it does make sense.
A/N:
I got this idea stuck in my head. Got another Malfoy/Harry confortation sticking there, it's already funny, but I'm looking for a way to turn it into Draco doing something stupid in the end, still have to iron the detail.
Anyway, I want to appologise for "The Trial" taking its good time, only my Beta for the story has taken a week-and-a-half (so far) long 4th of July vacation, and hasn't been heard of since... I'm still waiting for her notes on my notes on her notes for chapter 1, and her notes on the rest of the chapters too.
Till then,
Adieu,
-mo
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