Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Gerard Way's Diary
Chapter Four: March - What's everyone's fucking problem?
8 reviewsMarch: The new girl, the obsessive ex and midnight make out sessions. We're all doomed.
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Disclaimer: Don't own MCR, don't own Bridget Jones, don't own that "I kissed a girl" song. Thank god! Don't own Trainspotting, PSP's, Seasame Street or Alice in Wonderland.
WARNINGS: So much swearing, drinking and smoking it's insane. Don't try this at home.
To my reviewers: I love you more then a fat kid on the lemon detox diet loves warm tripple chocolate brownies with ice cream and ice magic on top. Mmmmmm ... yum!
Chapter four: March: What's everyone's fucking problem?/]
Thursday, March 2nd
[/86 kg (seriously ... is there any point in keeping count of all this stuff. I'm never gonna stop drinking, I'm never going to stop drinking and I don't even really own any scales, it's just an estimate.)
6 p.m. College: My room. Well it's been a very interesting past few days ... okay, well not that interesting, but to my dull and rather uneventful life it's been quite stimulating.
That girl I met at the end of last month, Sarah, well, we've become quite good friends for starters.
I must admit though, I kind of envy people like her. A few days after our little run in, literally, at the library, she walked straight up to me and simply said, "Hi Gerard."
She wants me so bad ... doesn't she?
Either way, it's nice to have someone actually put effort into being your friend. Makes you feel like you actually are an interesting person that people want to get to know better and not just some transparent comic book geek.
So we've hung out, we've talked ... mostly about how much I like comic books and how much she likes hearing me passionately talk about comic books but -
Hmmm! Important note to self, next time we hang out, maybe ask her about something that she enjoys.
Am really starting to wonder where I learnt to socialize. I'm sure there’s a rule book or something a step by step guide on what you're supposed to say like:
1. Greet person with friendly "hello" or "hey" or "yo what's shakin’ my hommi-G?"
2. Ask the other person some questions about themselves.
3. Continue step 2 until you and said person find a common topic of interest.
4. Keep talking about that topic until someone tires.
5. Repeat step 2 until you find some other common topic of interest.
6. Try for 1st base.
... Honestly, that's how it should go. Cause anyone that has more then one of the same interests as me is worth making an effort for.
I'll be alright though. It's like ridding a bike, you never really forget.
Although, I never did really learn how to ride a bike ... never had any balance. Then I started drinking when I was about 15 and just gave up cause I was to drunk to hold the bike steady half the time.
It's a good life.
Take Amy for example. Didn't have to even try and make conversation with her, she's a take control, get what I want kind of girl. A "me, me, me, it's all about fucking me" kind of girl. She just came up to me, the unsuspecting dark haired weirdo, took a deep breath and just asked me a question in a tone that really made me feel like I had no choice in the matter.
"Be my boyfriend."
Naturally, a horny young teenage loner, an attractive female, I jumped at the chance.
"Okay, um ... what do I have to do?"
"Well, you can start by holding my hand and kissing me ... on the check."
Should have known from that very moment that she was a manipulating bitch. Why can I never see these things coming?
Still, that's all in the past now. I've moved on. Nice to have a girl like Sarah who is, so far, not as controlling, loud mouthed and possibly mentally insane as the last one.
6:30 p.m. Aaaaaaaaaaand ... that's about all that’s happened. But, like I said, it's a lot for me.
Friday, March 3rd
Huh? Oh ... um, didn't count today. Was good day. But tight black jeans still fit, which means, good enough weight for tight black jeans wearing.
10 a.m. At first I thought it was going to be a terrible day. I didn't have class and although that would usually be a great thing, Ben was going home for a long weekend with his family, which meant I was all alone with nothing to do and no one to do it with.
When I headed to the cafeteria, I thought I'd have to sit on my own, that was until I heard someone calling out my name. Moments later I found myself sitting with, to my great surprise, Bert and Quinn. Turns out breakfast was becoming a regular thing for these guys. It's amazing!
"Morning Gee ... you got any classes today?" Quinn asked as I took a seat and hungrily devoured my toast.
"Noff, goff the da offff." It's hard speaking with your mouth full.
"Ew, I think you just spat some of your toast in my eye."
"Sorry ..."
"Anyway, you wanna hang out with me and Bert?"
"Errrrrrrrrrrrr ..."
I don't know why I hesitated, guess I just wasn't really in the mood to get stoned out of my mind today, I mean, I had to keep my options open in case Sarah decided she wanted to hang out with me.
"Oh come on, don't tell me you've already got other plans, its only 10 a.m. Who thinks about their day that early?"
"Well ..."
"I really want that left-over pizza in our room," Bert interrupted Quinn and my conversation, apparently not even listening at all as he picked at his toast disinterestedly.
"What? I want it! You ate more then I did last night you fucking crack head! I deserve it!" It was the first time I had ever seen Quinn so worked up about anything.
"Are you kidding? You hate cold pizza!"
"I can warm it up. And besides, it's cheese! It was the pizza I ordered, you ate all of yours. So technically, it's mine. No question."
"Alright, alright fine. Let's settle this like men."
"Oh yeah? What are we gonna do then?"
"Something fucking manly Quinnie!"
Bert pushed past me as he stood up and walked over to two empty tables just near us. Then, to my great surprise, he got the bottles of tomato sauce that resided on each. Walking back to us, he placed one in front of Quinn, the other in front of me and then he grabbed the one on our table for himself.
"Whoever goes the longest without puking gets the left over pizza."
"What? You want us to drink this shit?" I couldn't believe how insane this idea was.
Quinn didn't say anything, he just seemed determined.
"But I don't even want the pizza!" How do I always get dragged into this stuff?
"Gee ... nobody likes a quitter. Ready? One ... two ... GO!"
I just watched in amazement as the two of them started squirting sauce into their mouths, gagging loudly after only a few moments.
"Um ... Hi Gerard."
That was when I managed to tear my eyes away from the two other people at my table, who were now spitting sauce onto their plates, so that I could see who had just said my name.
It was Sarah and she was staring at Bert and Quinn as though they were quite insane.
"Oh ... erm. Hi Sarah."
"What are they doing?"
"Who? Oh, those two? Um ... h-homework. It's for science."
Hmmm ... another note to self. When asking about social therapy, ask about lying therapy. Got to be something to help you be a better liar.
She just giggled. It made me feel better. I could feel Bert and Quinn's attention suddenly falling on us.
"Well, I just came over to ask if you wanted to do something this weekend?"
I think my heart just beat a hole through my chest and jumped out through it and across the table where it is now standing doing the happy dance.
"Seriously? Yeah! I mean ... o-only if you want to."
She giggled at me again. I couldn't believe she was even still interested in me.
"Of course I want to. I know a good place to go for dinner, it's just up the road, we can walk there tomorrow night if you like?"
"Yeah I like! I mean, yes, perfect. Um, see you then."
Giggling again.
"How about I meet you outside the library at 6?"
Man, I'm so stupid, I didn't even give a time. See, socially retarded!
"P-perfect. I'll see you then."
With that, she walked off shaking her head and smiling. I just watched her leave, a stupid smile on my face.
"You just got asked out by a chick!"
I turned back to the table to see Bert and Quinn making faces and reciting the conversation they had just over heard in high pitched voices.
"Shut up! So who won the game anyway?"
"I did!" Bert answered as I managed to distract him.
"Woah Gee! Look out!"
I turned around to see what Quinn was pointing at and saw Amy marching towards me purposefully.
"I'm going to get more toast." With that Quinn disappeared leaving me and Bert to brace ourselves for what she was going to say.
"Hey Gee-Gee."
Bert snickered, she glared.
"Um, hi Amy."
"Was just wondering if you wanted to go out for coffee today? Say like ... now?"
Shesh! How pushy can she get?
"Um, sorry Amy, I have plans."
"With?"
"Er ... Bert! Bert and I have plans this afternoon."
"We do?"
I could so kill that guy, he was worse then I was at lying. I just gave him a look saying "play along and I'll do whatever you want."
"Yeah Bert ... r-remember? We're doing that thing ... what you usually do Friday afternoon."
"Masturbate?"
Fuck! Could this guy get any dumber.
"W-what? Er, yeah, Masturbate! Sure. We're going to masturbate together."
Mentally I slapped myself in the head, but it would have to do.
"Well Gee ... maybe back to back, but I gotta tell you, I'm not a hundred percent on this."
Amy gave us both a funny look, I just shrugged. Then finally she seemed to get the hint I wanted her gone and she gave me one last look before storming off.
"Man, that was close."
"She only came over here because she saw your new toy-girl and got jealous."
"You think?"
Hmmm, I'd never had anyone fight over me before. This could be interesting. Wonder if I could get the two of them to take this further ... cat fights are always good fun.
"Oh I can tell ... so, you really going to masturbate with me this afternoon or was that just a cover up?"
The sad thing was, I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.
Sunday, March 5th
8 a.m. I know it's Sunday, but I just can't sleep in. Too many weird thoughts running through my head about fun but rather strange date last night.
Okay, so I arrived at the library a little early, Sarah arrived on time. Sure, I probably looked like an over-eager freak, but I felt bad that she had to ask me out instead of the other way around.
Still, she didn't seem to mind. In fact, things weren't awkward or weird of anything, everything was just like it had been so far. We were having normal conversations, laughing and getting along just fine. Yet there was something off about it all.
I may be a little out of touch and inexperienced with the whole "first date" thing, but I'm sure that it was supposed to go a little differently then it did. In all honesty, it didn't feel like a date. It just felt like two friends going out for dinner.
I tried, I honestly did, but something was different. I mean, on Friday she was so keen and I was certain that when she had asked for us to go to dinner that she had been asking me out on a date. Even Bert and Quinn who are downright retarded when it comes to observing, well, anything really, knew that she had asked me out.
Yet, when I tried to take it up a notch, hold hands, put my arm around her, even something so simple as pay for her dinner, she suddenly went quite strange and declined my offer of payment or moved away from my arm or hand.
I just didn't get it. Don't get me wrong, I did have a good time, but when I walked her back to her room at college, that was it. No offer to go in for a night cap, no promise of a follow up, no nothing.
What the fuck happened between Friday morning and Saturday night?
8:30 a.m. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just don't get it!
Maybe I should have just taken my chances with Amy. Clearly I'm never going to find anyone else. If someone can get turned off by me in a little over 24 hours then I have no chance.
8:45 a.m. Can I really, really stand to get back with that girl?
9 a.m. Nope, definitely not!
Monday, March 6th
85 kg (actually weighed myself with real scales ... pretty good), 8 beers (am drinking away some of the pain), 45 cigarettes (ran out before lunch), 3 joints.
Noon. College: Library. Truthfully ... I don't even know what I'm doing in here. How'd I get in the library?
I had an early class, did nothing to distract me from my miserable thoughts though. Good thing it was over early, gave me a chance to go have lunch with Bert who was busy getting high whilst Quinn actually attended his class for the day.
I had a joint or two, Bert fell asleep and I wondered off to the library. Makes some kind of sense.
I wonder if they have Alice in Wonderland?
1 p.m. He he he he he ... oh man, that darn Cheshire cat. Good times.
3 p.m. Oh shit! Did I just spend the whole afternoon reading Alice in Wonderland?
Where does the time go?
3:15 p.m. I wonder if they're are any pancakes in the cafeteria.
Late Night. College: My room. It all makes sense now! Oh, I'm so blind! Why didn't I figure it out before?
Anyway, going back ... I was sitting in the library wondering why I was so hungry and why I had just read the whole of Alice in Wonderland, then I remembered that I was most likely high. Personally, I preferred the imaginary world where bread made me taller or shorter, cards tried to kill me and smiling cats wouldn't stop fucking tormenting me, but I couldn't afford any more pot just now, so that vacation would have to happen another day.
Getting my bearings was hard work, I kept waiting for that little broom headed dog to sweep the path in front of me away but he never came. Thank god. I swear, if I ever see him again, I'll kill him! That stupid bastard!
As I headed back for my room I heard laughter. Laughter I recognized. It didn't take me long to locate the source. There was Sarah, sitting on the ground, just outside her door (I knew that because I walked her back there Saturday night ... I am not a stalker!) and who do you think she was sitting with?
Frank-fucking-Iero!
I swear I could have strangled him. Instead, I merely stared at them for a little longer then was probably normal, but I couldn't help it, I was so mad!
How long has she been talking to him for? How long have they been friends for? Were they friends? Were they more then friends?
Suddenly it made sense. She was uninterested in me because she must have met someone better before our date. That someone better was none other then Frank.
Why did this guy keep screwing me over? What did I ever do to him?
I walked away, their laughter ringing in my ears and I came straight back here to my room.
Now if I could just get the imaginary image of the two of them making out in the hallway out of my head I'll be able to finally get to sleep.
Tuesday, March 7th
87 kg (eating away misery), 18 beers (lonely loser, what else is there to do?), 78 cigarettes (very good considering), 5 joints.
4 p.m. Am miserable moping mess, even Ben has gone to the library to study rather then try and hang out with me.
I take comfort in the fact that Bert is just next door though, Bert is always just next door. I swear I can't figure out how he manages to stay here if he never goes to class. Sometimes I think Quinn is the college attendant and that Bert is just the squatter like Mikey sometimes is on the weekend. Yet, how would he get away with that?
It's Bert ... he'd have a way of getting away with it.
I'm making a mental note to ask him the next time I see him.
9 p.m. Just got back from asking Bert. He just laughed and handed me a beer and a joint.
Who needs a girl friend anyway? They'll just wait for you to propose and become all secure in the relationship before getting drunk on their hens night and sleeping with some punk assed kid that looks strangely like Frank Iero.
No, hanging with Bert is always so much simpler. Just getting drunk, stonned and singing songs.
"Say my name, say my name ... when no one is around you, say baybe I lurve you!"
"Who sings that song Gee?"
"Um ... Destiny's Child."
"Oh ... let's keep it that way."
Saturday, March 11th
85 kg (weight loss from running around after kids), 1 bottle of vodka (only good thing about being home), 1000 cigarettes (lost count after that), 0 joints (wish Bert was here).
8:15 a.m. My phone is ringing? Why is phone ringing so fucking early?
"Hello insensitive ass-hole who is calling too fucking early on a Saturday morning ..."
"Gee? What the fuck man! You said you'd be here by 8 today? How far away are you?"
"Mikey? What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about Stevie's 1st birthday party today! Don't tell me you forgot!"
Oh shit! I did forget!
"Oh shit Mikes ... I forgot!"
"Well I'm pretty sure I've figured that out by now. You jerk! Get out of bed now and get your ass here! I'm not going to this party on my own!"
Man, I really don't wanna go.
"Mikes ... I'm erm, busy today man I'm sorry -"
"No you're fucking not! And you promised me! Get up, get dressed and get here now!"
I'm smart enough to know when my brother has reached his limit and I'm pretty sure he's beyond that now.
But do I really have to get out of bed?
2 p.m. New Jersey: Aunt Miranda's house. All I can think about right now is how I should have just stayed in bed today.
Am covered in bits of food, drool and what is most likely spew. The only thing worse then a baby is a house full of babies. I mean, do you really need to have a party for a 1 year old, the kid isn't going to even remember this day, let alone who attended, he wouldn't even miss me.
What's worse, Mikey was the one that dragged me here and he's been missing in action for the past hour and a half. He's been on his phone sending text messages since the moment we got here and now he's talking on it. He's acting very weird and very distant and I don't like it.
Mikey's never kept anything from me, yet every time I ask him who he's talking to or try to listen into his conversation he gets all pissed off at me. The last thing I need in my life is for my own brother to start acting just as weird and messed up as everyone else I know.
This party blows!
I don't even know my Aunt Miranda all that well, let alone her one year old son Steven, who's party it is by the way and who happens to be sitting on my lap right now smelling strongly of baby powder and pulling on my hair with sticky fingers. I hate babies!!!
What's really messed up though is that the kid had no say on who got to come to his party and who didn't. I mean, how does his mum know that Steven wanted some kid who sticks things up his nose to come to his party?
"Come on Stevie! Take a stand little cous’, you're a Way after all. Do you really want to be remembered as the kid who invited the baby that shoves crayons up his nose to his 1st ever birthday party?"
Steven just drooled on my lap and I wondered how my life had gotten so low that I was reduced to talking to a one year old whose vocabulary was limited to "mumma", "dadda" and "bogga".
Least he won’t leave me for Frank Iero.
... But what if Frank had a lollie pop?
2:10 p.m. Can 1 year olds eat lollie pops?
2:15 p.m. I really want a lollie pop.
3:30 p.m. Okay! That's fucking it! I'm out of this place. Mikey is still on the phone and I am still sitting with the fucking minors playing with the Sesame Street phone. I'm sick of hearing Elmo's stupid laugh!
But where the hell am I going to go? What lame excuse am I going to try now? Maybe I'll just message Ben instead, see how he's doing at college without me.
Actually have better idea, might message my mystery text messenger, after all, they messaged me last and I never wrote back.
Na ... Oh hell, why not, I have nothing else to do.
Hey, how's it going?
What are you up to this weekend?
How's the college going?
I swear I'd rather be there then here
right now.
Sent.
I don't know why, but I feel so stupid when I send this person messages. See, they know who I am so when I say something stupid, they know it's me who said it, but if they say something stupid, well it's fine because I have no fucking idea who they are.
Still, it's kind of exciting to have someone that you don't really know to talk to. Maybe that's weird, but what isn't about me lately?
4:15 p.m. Oh man! Don't these kids have a PSP or something. Being a baby is so fucking boring!
Mikey came back.
"Hey man, who was on the phone?"
"Huh? What phone?"
"What? Mikey, the phone you were just on for about 2 hours!"
"Oh that ... just a friend. You hungry? I'm hungry, I'm going to get something to eat."
"No wait Mikes don't leave me -"
Darn, to late. He moves to quick and I have a 1 year old I don't want to start screaming when I put him down in my lap.
"I kissed a girl and I liked it, I kissed a girl just to try it -"
A message! And surprise, surprise a new message tone. Man Mikey moves fast, I don't even remember him touching my phone.
It's going about as good as your
day sounds at the moment. And
I wouldn't know, not at College.
I'm in New Jersey, I live there.
Okay, now I was really curious. This couldn't just be some random that got my number. Not only did they know my name and knew that I had a girl friend, at the time anyway, but they also lived in the same city as me. Sure, I know lots of people from Jersey go to my college, but still, it was nice to think that maybe I had possibly met this person before.
And then I had an idea ... a fucking crazy idea and had Mikey have been there to stop me I may have stopped myself, but I was really desperate to get out of there.
You live in Jersey? No way! Same
here. Look, you're having a shit day,
I'm having a shit day. What you say we
meet up at the Star Bucks on the corner
of Denis Road and O'Riley Street at 5?
Close eyes ... send!
Man, why's my heart pounding so fast?
4:30 p.m. Fuck! This person could be some 80 year old pedophile for all I know. I'm so stupid! Why don't I ever think these things through?
"I kissed a girl and I liked it -"
"Hey, you got a text message Gee! By the way, you like your new message tone?"
"You sicken me."
Fucking Mikey! Least he's actually sitting with me now, even if he is texting on his fucking phone every second again.
"Who's it from? Who's it from?"
"Shut up Mikes, I haven't opened it yet!"
Idiot. Okay, here goes:
Yeah sure. Why the hell not?
See you at five.
OH FUCK!
"What? What? Gee ... who was it?"
"No way Mikes. You tell me who you're talking to first!"
"Come on Gee ... please!"
Darn it, why can't I ignore his puppy dog look.
"Alright fine. You remember the mystery person who randomly texted me? Well, I think I'm about to meet them for coffee."
"W-wait ... you're what?"
"Meeting them for -"
"I heard what you said bro ... but Gee, think about this. You don't even know who it is! Could be some freak for all you know."
Amazing how Mikey worry's about my safety now when just a moment ago he left me alone with a bunch of 1 year olds for 2 hours. It couldn't get any more dangerous then that!
"Well, it's better then hanging around here."
"Fine! But I'm coming with you!"
"What? No ... that's just lame Mikey!"
"Tough shit Gee, I'm coming with you. I'll sit in the corner and pretend I don't know you if it turns out to be some hot chick."
"Alright fine, but can we go already? We're meeting up at 5."
Late Night. New Jersey: The Basement. Thank god Mum and Dad had some vodka lying around. Hopefully they wont notice that I took it, they don't like me drinking but I think the occasion calls for it.
I got stood up!
Yup, but I'm really surprised I never saw it coming. I mean, with my luck lately! Really, what the hell was I thinking? Mikey's been surprisingly cool about it though. I was half waiting for him to rub it all in my face, but he never did.
Hmmm, well the two of us arrived at the coffee shop and ordered our usual coffees. It was kind of weird because I had no idea what I was looking for. Whoever this person was, they knew who I was and what I looked like, but I didn't have the slightest idea what I was looking for. For all I knew they could be some deformed alien from out of space.
And the minutes ticked by and the nervousness and uncertainty slipped away to be replaced by another feeling. The feeling that this person wasn't going to show and I was going to be left thoroughly embarrassed.
I gave it to 5:30 and that was it.
"Alright Mikes, lets go, they're not coming."
"Um, just give it a few more minutes Gee."
"What? No Mikes, I just wanna go home and go to bed -"
I made to stand up but he pulled me down.
"I know you do Gee, but just trust me when I say we'll leave in a few minutes."
I followed Mikey's eyes and realised what he was talking about. Leaning against the wall, arms folded, clearly waiting for his coffee was Frank. I swear someone upstairs must really fucking hate me.
"Oh...! It's no big deal Mikes, we're just getting coffee."
"Yeah, I know. But I just figured the last thing you wanted was to see that guy again. I know how much you hate him."
Mikey just shrugged as though he wasn't fussed what they did. Regardless, we remained there until Frank got his coffee and left the shop. One thing was for sure, he certainly took his time, for a moment I actually thought he wasn't going to leave, but he didn't seem the type to sit in a coffee shop on his own.
When he was gone, we finally got up to go home. I waited for Mikey to taunt me or say something on the way home but the guy seemed to be thinking deeply. His message tone went off, but for the first time during that entire day, he didn't even look at it. He simply stared off, deep in thought.
I thanked him for coming out with me, better being stood up when you weren't completely alone. As weird as that sounded. Plus, I had been embarrassed plenty of times in my life when I had been to drunk to really be aware of what I was doing. And Mikey was my brother, I should have known he wouldn't rub it in. It could have been worse.
Wonder if they'd miss this Vodka if I packed it and took it back to College with me, help me get through the rest of the week.
Oh fuck it! I'll just drink it all now.
Tuesday, March 14th
88 kg (how much is a guy like me even supposed to weigh?), 10 beers, 88 cigarettes, 2 joints (I think Bert and Quinn have officially adopted me).
Mr. Barry was acting very unusual in art class today. The first thing he did, was compliment the painting I was working on. I almost had a heart attack. He sat on his chair, feet on his desk, inspecting his hands, which were clenched together in his lap.
I stared at him, it was all I could do.
It was just so odd that he would compliment anything I did, he didn't like me! It's not like I even minded, it was just something that happened, something I could always rely on. I didn't like him, he didn't like me. Done and done. Only relationship I was really sure off. Now I really wasn't sure of anything.
Then, he looked up and caught me staring. He gave me a strange look and then I quickly snapped out of it and went back to my painting. I looked back around my canvas after a few minutes, hoping he wasn't still looking at me. He wasn't, he was staring at his hands again and he had an unusual grin on his face.
Man I hope he's not a psychopathic serial killer.
Is it bad that that's the first place I go to?
Okay, so that's relationship number one that I don't understand. Relationship number two I don't understand, the one me and Sarah are apparently still kind of but not really having.
On my way to the T.V. room for some much needed R&R I looked up to see Sarah walking towards me, a group of her female friends were huddled at the end of the hall, looking towards me and giggling to themselves.
Was there some sexy, muscular and perfectly tanned guy standing behind me? I had certainly never been the topic of girl group giggling sessions. Well, not unless it involved them giggling at my expense.
"Hey Gee ... how you been? I haven't seen you in a while."
"Hey Sarah. Yeah, I was at my cousins birthday last weekend. Other then that - um - tones of assignments. You know how it is."
HA! What assignments?
"Yeah, I do. How old was your cousin?"
"One."
"Oh, how cute!"
"Yeah ... smelly, slobbering babies - adorable."
She giggled and suddenly everything just seemed normal again. But it wasn't, I mean what were we? I may be an idiot when it came to girls but she liked me ... I know she did! So, what was her problem?
"Well, I got to head off to class, but we should definitely hang out again real soon."
With that, she gave me a little wave then re-joined her group of cackling friends. I just stood there looking confused as they all turned back to get another look at me before regrouping to whisper amongst themselves.
Boy did my head feel like it was going to explode.
All I could think to do was forget the T.V room and go marching straight back to Bert and Quinn's room. Lately it was the only place I could just go and relax. Plus, our relationship was perfectly simple. I go there, smoke their pot, drink their beer and discuss how easy life would be if we could all just live at the bottom of the sea with Flounder and Sebastian and Arial the hot red-headed mermaid.
Tuesday, March 21st
4 p.m. I don't know what Mikey is up to, but I'm determined to find out. He's my brother, we're not supposed to keep secrets from each other.
Every time I call, every time I message it's the same thing. He's always busy, he's always doing something. It's always the same excuse.
"Sorry Gee, can't talk right now. I'm in the middle of something. Call you back tomorrow."
And he always forgets to call back.
What the hell is up with him?
Then, there's the other problem ... the one that goes by the name of Amy.
She's been following me around like a little lost puppy dog. Every chance she gets she'll strike up awkward and boring conversations with me. Usually they end in her saying the same lie every time.
"We should really catch up for coffee sometime Gee, just to catch up. Not tomorrow but, I have a hot date ... the day after I'm free though."
It's like making up some imaginary boy friend is going to make me jealous and beg her to take me back.
Meanwhile, Sarah and I have been out for lunch, been out for coffee and even spent most of the weekend just talking about anything and everything that crossed our minds.
So, I decided to ask her the one thing that was really bothering me, the only thing that was really on my mind. After all, we'd pretty much discussed every thing else.
"So, um ... how do you know Frank Iero?"
"Oh Frankie? I've known him since I was about five. We used to be next door neighbors until I moved."
Frankie? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
"Oh ... so you two are petty close then?"
"Yeah, he's a good friend."
Okay, so she said the word friend but in my stupid jealous mind it didn't mean much. All I heard was that they've known each other since she was five. Which means she knew him for a long, long time. She got him, he got her ... was it more then just friendship?
I try not to let it get to me but, it does. Everything about that guy does and I just can't help it. I know it's petty, childish and stupid but - darn it! I don't care!
Ben's been coming and going, but mostly all his free time is spent in the library studying. He has important exams in a few weeks and the guy is a study freak. I think his parents are really strict. I dunno, I've never actually been to his house. Our friendship is pretty much based on college grounds alone.
Naturally, all my free time has been spent with the two pot-heads next door and I'm not complaining. I've decided that it is my fate, they are my fate. It's the one and only place I truly belong. The world has officially screwed me over and I've given up.
So, that's my day:
7 a.m. Wake up.
7:15 a.m. Punch self in the face for waking up so early.
8:30 a.m. Punch self in face for sleeping in so late.
8:45 a.m. Punch self in face for falling back asleep. Get changed.
9 a.m. Eat breakfast, drink coffee.
9:30 a.m. Go to class.
1 p.m. Head to Bert and Quinn's.
8 p.m. Pass out ... if lucky.
And that's my day. Other then that I ignore most people I pass, creeping in the shadows hoping that Amy can't see me there.
Oh! And on top of that, the mystery texter, the one that stood me up. Well, they wrote back.
"I kissed a girl and I liked it, I kissed a girl -"
It couldn't have come at a worse time, it was right when I had my hood up, trying to sneak past Amy who was questioning Ben as to my whereabouts.
"Gee-bear? That you?"
"No! RUN BEN RUN!"
And with that, I took off in one direction, Amy at my heels, whilst Ben took off in the other. Thankfully I managed to shake her off when I took a few fast, sharp corners. Still, she made me run through half the college just to shake her off and I wasn't the most attractive runner. My head kind of tilts back, my mouth hangs open and I sound like I'm hyperventilating.
Finally in the sanctuary of the boys toilets I could read the message:
Hey, I'm real sorry about the other day.
Wish I could tell you I got hit by a car or
something and couldn't make it, but truth
was ... well, I saw you and your brother,
but I was too nervous to come up and say
hey. I'm sorry Gerard :(
I stood there, trying to catch my breath, reading over and over the text message wishing I could just stay angry with this fucking person.
The fact of the matter was, this person seemed to care more about our relationship then anyone else I actually knew did. I know it sounds messed up, but it's true. I didn't even know this person yet here they were explaining everything to me, apologizing to me, basically, taking the time to let me know where I stood.
Why were they so nervous to meet me? Maybe they really were a hideously deformed alien.
They were there that day? Maybe it was one of the 30 something year old ladies sitting in the corner. Hmmm ... an older women.
And how could they have gotten your number Gerard? I'm insane.
Also ... how the hell did they know that Mikey was my brother? We don't even look alike.
Who was this person?
Saturday, March 25th
84 kg (am like a yo-yo, it just goes up and down), 1 bottle of vodka (you'll soon understand why), 100 cigarettes (okay so times that by a billion), 8 joints (thanks Quinn), No. of awkward and confusing moments I'd rather never have happened: 1 (maybe 2 ... depends).
8 p.m. College: My room. I realize it's Saturday and I realize I'm not doing anything, but I had a big night last night. Oh, who am I kidding ... truth is, Bert was acting rather strange this morning. I sort of got the hint that they didn't want me around their place tonight. I don't know what I did wrong, but after breakfast I asked what he was doing and he quickly changed the subject, Quinn just gave me a funny look.
9 p.m. Um ... I'm not to sure what just happened but ... er - nope, I don't know.
I was sitting here, minding my own business when my door burst open and none other then Bert himself came barging in.
"What the fuck?"
"Oh hey Gee ... you got a mirror in here?"
"Yeah, just open the wardrobe it's in there."
He opened it up, pulled out eyeliner from his pocket and started applying it hurriedly.
"Quinn, the little fucker, he locked our room door and took off somewhere with the key."
"I think this is the first time I've ever seen you getting ready to go anywhere!'
And I meant it to. If I was surprised to see him at breakfast more then twice a week, it was absolutely nothing to how surprised I was now. I don't think I could even imagine him outside of his and Quinn's smoky bedroom. I was suddenly hit with a wave of curiosity.
"So ... where you going?"
He smiled at me through the mirror.
"On a date."
Woah! Never thought I'd here him say that. Did Bert date? I thought he just picked someone, got drunk and made his move. Then, next day he was over them. That was what he did.
"Is she hot?"
"He is very hot," Bert corrected me.
"Oh ... cool."
I seriously had no idea what to say just then.
"Can I borrow this?"
He was holding up one of my jackets. I nodded, he said thanks and he made to leave. Then, he gave me a funny look, smirked, shook his head and left, closing the door behind him.
9:30 p.m. Why do I feel so weird about this?
Hmmm, okay. If I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I'm jealous.
I can't believe I'm saying that, but there it is. I'm fucking jealous cause Bert is going on a date with a guy.
Why am I jealous? Am I jealous that the attention is no longer only on me?
I mean I have two girls that are all over me, what is wrong with me?
10:45 p.m. I need lots and lots of liquor.
Sunday, March 26th
10 a.m. College: My room. Well, last night went a little differently to how I thought it would. In fact, I don't even know where to begin.
After Bert left, I pulled out the portable DVD player that Mikey had leant me (I think he felt bad that he wasn't hanging out with me so much lately this way, it gave me something to do) and I pulled out my newest bottle of Vodka and just drank and drank.
It was past midnight and I was just about to fall asleep/pass out when for the second time that night, my bedroom door burst open and in marched Bert looking a little drunker then he did when he left.
"What you watchin’?"
"Trainspotting."
"Oh I fuckin' love this movie."
Excitedly, he jumped on my bed next to me, grabbed my Vodka and drank some. Now, usually I'd get very defensive when people drank my alcohol, only cause it meant less for me, but Bert always let me drink his grog and smoke his joints, so it was about time I returned the favour.
"So ... how was your date?"
"It was alright. The guy was a bit dull, so I fucked him and that was that."
Bert just kept drinking, his drunken eyes glued to the T.V. I just sat there staring at him, not quite believing what he had just said. I had heard Quinn say before that Bert was into anything that moved, which meant guys and girls but it was just a bit unusual. I didn't get out much after all.
"Oh ..."
"Yeah, don't think I'll see him again."
I nodded, not quite sure what to say, not even in my drunk state. Then Bert got up and took his jacket off, which was actually mine. He had an odd sort of smile on his face.
"Thanks for the jacket."
"Oh, yeah - er - no worries."
I got up to take the jacket from him, but I really shouldn't have even bothered. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but next thing I knew Bert just took my face in his hands and crushed our lips together.
Now, we have made out before, many times before. Drunken, messy make out sessions, but this was different. Much different!
And why? Because as his tongue danced around with mine, he pushed me back down onto the bed and rolled his hips into mine suggestively. I didn't even bother trying to understand what was going on or push him off me because my body was rather enjoying the experience.
We were both far to drunk to actually do anything, but as his kissing ventured from my lips to my neck and his hips continued to move him around the lower half of my body, I suddenly found I didn't care what he did to me.
I moaned into his mouth and then quickly snapped my eyes open and pushed Bert off me when I realised that I was actually enjoying this whole situation a lot more then I was probably supposed to.
"W-what was that?"
Was all I managed to get out. Bert just looked down at me and rolled his eyes.
"Oh come on Gee! I could so tell you were jealous."
Then, for the third time that night, by bedroom door burst open again and a rather sleepy looking Quinn stood in the doorway looking on at the scene in front of him slowly, trying to take everything in.
Then, a huge smile spread across his face as he looked knowingly between the two of us.
"Er ... it's not what it looks like."
What? It's all I could think to say.
Bert laughed as he rolled off me, Quinn still smirking as he watched him laughing and rolling around.
"Sure it isn't. I just came here to tell Bert he could come back into his room now ... but if you need a minute."
Bert just looked at my shocked face and shook his head.
"Na, its beddy-byes time. I think Gee's had enough for now."
With that, Bert slapped my thigh and left, laughing loudly. I just lay on my bed still wondering what the fuck had just happened.
Tuesday, March 28th
3 p.m. I made my way into the cafeteria for breakfast yesterday, only to lock eyes with Bert and Quinn who promptly wolf whistled at me causing everyone in the room to stop eating their breakfast and stare at me, probably wondering why the hell I was being whistled at by two guys.
I decided I wasn't hungry and left.
Then I decided I didn't really want to talk to Bert or Quinn at the moment and have been avoiding them since ... well, since Saturday night I guess.
Personally, I feel a little used. I'm not just some trashy fence sitter that Bert can just fucking screw and then walk away feeling big about himself. I'm not fucking gay!
Still, there is no satisfaction in ignoring Bert. Every time I pass him, I give him the cold shoulder and he just laughs as though it's the funniest thing I've ever done. I swear to every Egyptian god that there ever was, the guy is a fucking weirdo.
And as if every single relationship I currently had wasn't fucked up enough, I made a new enemy in art class today. I'm not even sure how it happened really. We were painting a still life, I remember that ... and my pencil broke. Naturally I turned to the nice enough looking guy that was busy drawing next to me and asked to borrow one of his.
"Hey, sorry to bother you, but my pencil broke can I borrow one -"
"No!"
What a fucking bastard!
"Look, I didn't bring any others, I promise I'll give it back by the -"
"Nope, sorry, I need all of these."
Prick!
"You couldn't possible need all -"
"I need them all alright!"
ASS HOLE!
"You're seriously not going to even lend me -"
"I'm deadly serious!"
And right then was when I just snapped. Tired of being interrupted by him and sick of his attitude.
"You know, every time you interrupt someone your dick gets a bit shorter!"
He stopped drawing and glared at me. Mr. Barry dropped the papers he had been reading and just stared at me, mouth hanging open.
"Erm - sorry ... but, my pencil broke!"
I waved my pencil around, hoping everyone understood my frustration. They all just continued to stare.
5 p.m. I'm officially screwed. What's everyone's fucking problem with me anyway?
-------
AN: Oh everything is so perfectly messed up. I promise it all makes some kind of sense eventually, but I'm going to destroy it all first.
Am so, so jolly glad to hear that Ferard or Frerad or Gerfank isn't dead just yet ... there will be plenty in the next chapter I promise.
Sorry for delay ... I had to attend a fancay partay, he he. Thanks for sticking by me and reviewing. Oh and lollie pop - it's a sweet on a stick, for those that dunno what it is ... I dunno, could be something different. And we use Maccie D's - or however you spell - it here to, but people look at u funny. Lol.
And did anyone seriously crave brownies with ice cream after the fat kid coment? I sure did :)
WARNINGS: So much swearing, drinking and smoking it's insane. Don't try this at home.
To my reviewers: I love you more then a fat kid on the lemon detox diet loves warm tripple chocolate brownies with ice cream and ice magic on top. Mmmmmm ... yum!
Chapter four: March: What's everyone's fucking problem?/]
Thursday, March 2nd
[/86 kg (seriously ... is there any point in keeping count of all this stuff. I'm never gonna stop drinking, I'm never going to stop drinking and I don't even really own any scales, it's just an estimate.)
6 p.m. College: My room. Well it's been a very interesting past few days ... okay, well not that interesting, but to my dull and rather uneventful life it's been quite stimulating.
That girl I met at the end of last month, Sarah, well, we've become quite good friends for starters.
I must admit though, I kind of envy people like her. A few days after our little run in, literally, at the library, she walked straight up to me and simply said, "Hi Gerard."
She wants me so bad ... doesn't she?
Either way, it's nice to have someone actually put effort into being your friend. Makes you feel like you actually are an interesting person that people want to get to know better and not just some transparent comic book geek.
So we've hung out, we've talked ... mostly about how much I like comic books and how much she likes hearing me passionately talk about comic books but -
Hmmm! Important note to self, next time we hang out, maybe ask her about something that she enjoys.
Am really starting to wonder where I learnt to socialize. I'm sure there’s a rule book or something a step by step guide on what you're supposed to say like:
1. Greet person with friendly "hello" or "hey" or "yo what's shakin’ my hommi-G?"
2. Ask the other person some questions about themselves.
3. Continue step 2 until you and said person find a common topic of interest.
4. Keep talking about that topic until someone tires.
5. Repeat step 2 until you find some other common topic of interest.
6. Try for 1st base.
... Honestly, that's how it should go. Cause anyone that has more then one of the same interests as me is worth making an effort for.
I'll be alright though. It's like ridding a bike, you never really forget.
Although, I never did really learn how to ride a bike ... never had any balance. Then I started drinking when I was about 15 and just gave up cause I was to drunk to hold the bike steady half the time.
It's a good life.
Take Amy for example. Didn't have to even try and make conversation with her, she's a take control, get what I want kind of girl. A "me, me, me, it's all about fucking me" kind of girl. She just came up to me, the unsuspecting dark haired weirdo, took a deep breath and just asked me a question in a tone that really made me feel like I had no choice in the matter.
"Be my boyfriend."
Naturally, a horny young teenage loner, an attractive female, I jumped at the chance.
"Okay, um ... what do I have to do?"
"Well, you can start by holding my hand and kissing me ... on the check."
Should have known from that very moment that she was a manipulating bitch. Why can I never see these things coming?
Still, that's all in the past now. I've moved on. Nice to have a girl like Sarah who is, so far, not as controlling, loud mouthed and possibly mentally insane as the last one.
6:30 p.m. Aaaaaaaaaaand ... that's about all that’s happened. But, like I said, it's a lot for me.
Friday, March 3rd
Huh? Oh ... um, didn't count today. Was good day. But tight black jeans still fit, which means, good enough weight for tight black jeans wearing.
10 a.m. At first I thought it was going to be a terrible day. I didn't have class and although that would usually be a great thing, Ben was going home for a long weekend with his family, which meant I was all alone with nothing to do and no one to do it with.
When I headed to the cafeteria, I thought I'd have to sit on my own, that was until I heard someone calling out my name. Moments later I found myself sitting with, to my great surprise, Bert and Quinn. Turns out breakfast was becoming a regular thing for these guys. It's amazing!
"Morning Gee ... you got any classes today?" Quinn asked as I took a seat and hungrily devoured my toast.
"Noff, goff the da offff." It's hard speaking with your mouth full.
"Ew, I think you just spat some of your toast in my eye."
"Sorry ..."
"Anyway, you wanna hang out with me and Bert?"
"Errrrrrrrrrrrr ..."
I don't know why I hesitated, guess I just wasn't really in the mood to get stoned out of my mind today, I mean, I had to keep my options open in case Sarah decided she wanted to hang out with me.
"Oh come on, don't tell me you've already got other plans, its only 10 a.m. Who thinks about their day that early?"
"Well ..."
"I really want that left-over pizza in our room," Bert interrupted Quinn and my conversation, apparently not even listening at all as he picked at his toast disinterestedly.
"What? I want it! You ate more then I did last night you fucking crack head! I deserve it!" It was the first time I had ever seen Quinn so worked up about anything.
"Are you kidding? You hate cold pizza!"
"I can warm it up. And besides, it's cheese! It was the pizza I ordered, you ate all of yours. So technically, it's mine. No question."
"Alright, alright fine. Let's settle this like men."
"Oh yeah? What are we gonna do then?"
"Something fucking manly Quinnie!"
Bert pushed past me as he stood up and walked over to two empty tables just near us. Then, to my great surprise, he got the bottles of tomato sauce that resided on each. Walking back to us, he placed one in front of Quinn, the other in front of me and then he grabbed the one on our table for himself.
"Whoever goes the longest without puking gets the left over pizza."
"What? You want us to drink this shit?" I couldn't believe how insane this idea was.
Quinn didn't say anything, he just seemed determined.
"But I don't even want the pizza!" How do I always get dragged into this stuff?
"Gee ... nobody likes a quitter. Ready? One ... two ... GO!"
I just watched in amazement as the two of them started squirting sauce into their mouths, gagging loudly after only a few moments.
"Um ... Hi Gerard."
That was when I managed to tear my eyes away from the two other people at my table, who were now spitting sauce onto their plates, so that I could see who had just said my name.
It was Sarah and she was staring at Bert and Quinn as though they were quite insane.
"Oh ... erm. Hi Sarah."
"What are they doing?"
"Who? Oh, those two? Um ... h-homework. It's for science."
Hmmm ... another note to self. When asking about social therapy, ask about lying therapy. Got to be something to help you be a better liar.
She just giggled. It made me feel better. I could feel Bert and Quinn's attention suddenly falling on us.
"Well, I just came over to ask if you wanted to do something this weekend?"
I think my heart just beat a hole through my chest and jumped out through it and across the table where it is now standing doing the happy dance.
"Seriously? Yeah! I mean ... o-only if you want to."
She giggled at me again. I couldn't believe she was even still interested in me.
"Of course I want to. I know a good place to go for dinner, it's just up the road, we can walk there tomorrow night if you like?"
"Yeah I like! I mean, yes, perfect. Um, see you then."
Giggling again.
"How about I meet you outside the library at 6?"
Man, I'm so stupid, I didn't even give a time. See, socially retarded!
"P-perfect. I'll see you then."
With that, she walked off shaking her head and smiling. I just watched her leave, a stupid smile on my face.
"You just got asked out by a chick!"
I turned back to the table to see Bert and Quinn making faces and reciting the conversation they had just over heard in high pitched voices.
"Shut up! So who won the game anyway?"
"I did!" Bert answered as I managed to distract him.
"Woah Gee! Look out!"
I turned around to see what Quinn was pointing at and saw Amy marching towards me purposefully.
"I'm going to get more toast." With that Quinn disappeared leaving me and Bert to brace ourselves for what she was going to say.
"Hey Gee-Gee."
Bert snickered, she glared.
"Um, hi Amy."
"Was just wondering if you wanted to go out for coffee today? Say like ... now?"
Shesh! How pushy can she get?
"Um, sorry Amy, I have plans."
"With?"
"Er ... Bert! Bert and I have plans this afternoon."
"We do?"
I could so kill that guy, he was worse then I was at lying. I just gave him a look saying "play along and I'll do whatever you want."
"Yeah Bert ... r-remember? We're doing that thing ... what you usually do Friday afternoon."
"Masturbate?"
Fuck! Could this guy get any dumber.
"W-what? Er, yeah, Masturbate! Sure. We're going to masturbate together."
Mentally I slapped myself in the head, but it would have to do.
"Well Gee ... maybe back to back, but I gotta tell you, I'm not a hundred percent on this."
Amy gave us both a funny look, I just shrugged. Then finally she seemed to get the hint I wanted her gone and she gave me one last look before storming off.
"Man, that was close."
"She only came over here because she saw your new toy-girl and got jealous."
"You think?"
Hmmm, I'd never had anyone fight over me before. This could be interesting. Wonder if I could get the two of them to take this further ... cat fights are always good fun.
"Oh I can tell ... so, you really going to masturbate with me this afternoon or was that just a cover up?"
The sad thing was, I couldn't tell if he was joking or not.
Sunday, March 5th
8 a.m. I know it's Sunday, but I just can't sleep in. Too many weird thoughts running through my head about fun but rather strange date last night.
Okay, so I arrived at the library a little early, Sarah arrived on time. Sure, I probably looked like an over-eager freak, but I felt bad that she had to ask me out instead of the other way around.
Still, she didn't seem to mind. In fact, things weren't awkward or weird of anything, everything was just like it had been so far. We were having normal conversations, laughing and getting along just fine. Yet there was something off about it all.
I may be a little out of touch and inexperienced with the whole "first date" thing, but I'm sure that it was supposed to go a little differently then it did. In all honesty, it didn't feel like a date. It just felt like two friends going out for dinner.
I tried, I honestly did, but something was different. I mean, on Friday she was so keen and I was certain that when she had asked for us to go to dinner that she had been asking me out on a date. Even Bert and Quinn who are downright retarded when it comes to observing, well, anything really, knew that she had asked me out.
Yet, when I tried to take it up a notch, hold hands, put my arm around her, even something so simple as pay for her dinner, she suddenly went quite strange and declined my offer of payment or moved away from my arm or hand.
I just didn't get it. Don't get me wrong, I did have a good time, but when I walked her back to her room at college, that was it. No offer to go in for a night cap, no promise of a follow up, no nothing.
What the fuck happened between Friday morning and Saturday night?
8:30 a.m. GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I just don't get it!
Maybe I should have just taken my chances with Amy. Clearly I'm never going to find anyone else. If someone can get turned off by me in a little over 24 hours then I have no chance.
8:45 a.m. Can I really, really stand to get back with that girl?
9 a.m. Nope, definitely not!
Monday, March 6th
85 kg (actually weighed myself with real scales ... pretty good), 8 beers (am drinking away some of the pain), 45 cigarettes (ran out before lunch), 3 joints.
Noon. College: Library. Truthfully ... I don't even know what I'm doing in here. How'd I get in the library?
I had an early class, did nothing to distract me from my miserable thoughts though. Good thing it was over early, gave me a chance to go have lunch with Bert who was busy getting high whilst Quinn actually attended his class for the day.
I had a joint or two, Bert fell asleep and I wondered off to the library. Makes some kind of sense.
I wonder if they have Alice in Wonderland?
1 p.m. He he he he he ... oh man, that darn Cheshire cat. Good times.
3 p.m. Oh shit! Did I just spend the whole afternoon reading Alice in Wonderland?
Where does the time go?
3:15 p.m. I wonder if they're are any pancakes in the cafeteria.
Late Night. College: My room. It all makes sense now! Oh, I'm so blind! Why didn't I figure it out before?
Anyway, going back ... I was sitting in the library wondering why I was so hungry and why I had just read the whole of Alice in Wonderland, then I remembered that I was most likely high. Personally, I preferred the imaginary world where bread made me taller or shorter, cards tried to kill me and smiling cats wouldn't stop fucking tormenting me, but I couldn't afford any more pot just now, so that vacation would have to happen another day.
Getting my bearings was hard work, I kept waiting for that little broom headed dog to sweep the path in front of me away but he never came. Thank god. I swear, if I ever see him again, I'll kill him! That stupid bastard!
As I headed back for my room I heard laughter. Laughter I recognized. It didn't take me long to locate the source. There was Sarah, sitting on the ground, just outside her door (I knew that because I walked her back there Saturday night ... I am not a stalker!) and who do you think she was sitting with?
Frank-fucking-Iero!
I swear I could have strangled him. Instead, I merely stared at them for a little longer then was probably normal, but I couldn't help it, I was so mad!
How long has she been talking to him for? How long have they been friends for? Were they friends? Were they more then friends?
Suddenly it made sense. She was uninterested in me because she must have met someone better before our date. That someone better was none other then Frank.
Why did this guy keep screwing me over? What did I ever do to him?
I walked away, their laughter ringing in my ears and I came straight back here to my room.
Now if I could just get the imaginary image of the two of them making out in the hallway out of my head I'll be able to finally get to sleep.
Tuesday, March 7th
87 kg (eating away misery), 18 beers (lonely loser, what else is there to do?), 78 cigarettes (very good considering), 5 joints.
4 p.m. Am miserable moping mess, even Ben has gone to the library to study rather then try and hang out with me.
I take comfort in the fact that Bert is just next door though, Bert is always just next door. I swear I can't figure out how he manages to stay here if he never goes to class. Sometimes I think Quinn is the college attendant and that Bert is just the squatter like Mikey sometimes is on the weekend. Yet, how would he get away with that?
It's Bert ... he'd have a way of getting away with it.
I'm making a mental note to ask him the next time I see him.
9 p.m. Just got back from asking Bert. He just laughed and handed me a beer and a joint.
Who needs a girl friend anyway? They'll just wait for you to propose and become all secure in the relationship before getting drunk on their hens night and sleeping with some punk assed kid that looks strangely like Frank Iero.
No, hanging with Bert is always so much simpler. Just getting drunk, stonned and singing songs.
"Say my name, say my name ... when no one is around you, say baybe I lurve you!"
"Who sings that song Gee?"
"Um ... Destiny's Child."
"Oh ... let's keep it that way."
Saturday, March 11th
85 kg (weight loss from running around after kids), 1 bottle of vodka (only good thing about being home), 1000 cigarettes (lost count after that), 0 joints (wish Bert was here).
8:15 a.m. My phone is ringing? Why is phone ringing so fucking early?
"Hello insensitive ass-hole who is calling too fucking early on a Saturday morning ..."
"Gee? What the fuck man! You said you'd be here by 8 today? How far away are you?"
"Mikey? What the hell are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about Stevie's 1st birthday party today! Don't tell me you forgot!"
Oh shit! I did forget!
"Oh shit Mikes ... I forgot!"
"Well I'm pretty sure I've figured that out by now. You jerk! Get out of bed now and get your ass here! I'm not going to this party on my own!"
Man, I really don't wanna go.
"Mikes ... I'm erm, busy today man I'm sorry -"
"No you're fucking not! And you promised me! Get up, get dressed and get here now!"
I'm smart enough to know when my brother has reached his limit and I'm pretty sure he's beyond that now.
But do I really have to get out of bed?
2 p.m. New Jersey: Aunt Miranda's house. All I can think about right now is how I should have just stayed in bed today.
Am covered in bits of food, drool and what is most likely spew. The only thing worse then a baby is a house full of babies. I mean, do you really need to have a party for a 1 year old, the kid isn't going to even remember this day, let alone who attended, he wouldn't even miss me.
What's worse, Mikey was the one that dragged me here and he's been missing in action for the past hour and a half. He's been on his phone sending text messages since the moment we got here and now he's talking on it. He's acting very weird and very distant and I don't like it.
Mikey's never kept anything from me, yet every time I ask him who he's talking to or try to listen into his conversation he gets all pissed off at me. The last thing I need in my life is for my own brother to start acting just as weird and messed up as everyone else I know.
This party blows!
I don't even know my Aunt Miranda all that well, let alone her one year old son Steven, who's party it is by the way and who happens to be sitting on my lap right now smelling strongly of baby powder and pulling on my hair with sticky fingers. I hate babies!!!
What's really messed up though is that the kid had no say on who got to come to his party and who didn't. I mean, how does his mum know that Steven wanted some kid who sticks things up his nose to come to his party?
"Come on Stevie! Take a stand little cous’, you're a Way after all. Do you really want to be remembered as the kid who invited the baby that shoves crayons up his nose to his 1st ever birthday party?"
Steven just drooled on my lap and I wondered how my life had gotten so low that I was reduced to talking to a one year old whose vocabulary was limited to "mumma", "dadda" and "bogga".
Least he won’t leave me for Frank Iero.
... But what if Frank had a lollie pop?
2:10 p.m. Can 1 year olds eat lollie pops?
2:15 p.m. I really want a lollie pop.
3:30 p.m. Okay! That's fucking it! I'm out of this place. Mikey is still on the phone and I am still sitting with the fucking minors playing with the Sesame Street phone. I'm sick of hearing Elmo's stupid laugh!
But where the hell am I going to go? What lame excuse am I going to try now? Maybe I'll just message Ben instead, see how he's doing at college without me.
Actually have better idea, might message my mystery text messenger, after all, they messaged me last and I never wrote back.
Na ... Oh hell, why not, I have nothing else to do.
Hey, how's it going?
What are you up to this weekend?
How's the college going?
I swear I'd rather be there then here
right now.
Sent.
I don't know why, but I feel so stupid when I send this person messages. See, they know who I am so when I say something stupid, they know it's me who said it, but if they say something stupid, well it's fine because I have no fucking idea who they are.
Still, it's kind of exciting to have someone that you don't really know to talk to. Maybe that's weird, but what isn't about me lately?
4:15 p.m. Oh man! Don't these kids have a PSP or something. Being a baby is so fucking boring!
Mikey came back.
"Hey man, who was on the phone?"
"Huh? What phone?"
"What? Mikey, the phone you were just on for about 2 hours!"
"Oh that ... just a friend. You hungry? I'm hungry, I'm going to get something to eat."
"No wait Mikes don't leave me -"
Darn, to late. He moves to quick and I have a 1 year old I don't want to start screaming when I put him down in my lap.
"I kissed a girl and I liked it, I kissed a girl just to try it -"
A message! And surprise, surprise a new message tone. Man Mikey moves fast, I don't even remember him touching my phone.
It's going about as good as your
day sounds at the moment. And
I wouldn't know, not at College.
I'm in New Jersey, I live there.
Okay, now I was really curious. This couldn't just be some random that got my number. Not only did they know my name and knew that I had a girl friend, at the time anyway, but they also lived in the same city as me. Sure, I know lots of people from Jersey go to my college, but still, it was nice to think that maybe I had possibly met this person before.
And then I had an idea ... a fucking crazy idea and had Mikey have been there to stop me I may have stopped myself, but I was really desperate to get out of there.
You live in Jersey? No way! Same
here. Look, you're having a shit day,
I'm having a shit day. What you say we
meet up at the Star Bucks on the corner
of Denis Road and O'Riley Street at 5?
Close eyes ... send!
Man, why's my heart pounding so fast?
4:30 p.m. Fuck! This person could be some 80 year old pedophile for all I know. I'm so stupid! Why don't I ever think these things through?
"I kissed a girl and I liked it -"
"Hey, you got a text message Gee! By the way, you like your new message tone?"
"You sicken me."
Fucking Mikey! Least he's actually sitting with me now, even if he is texting on his fucking phone every second again.
"Who's it from? Who's it from?"
"Shut up Mikes, I haven't opened it yet!"
Idiot. Okay, here goes:
Yeah sure. Why the hell not?
See you at five.
OH FUCK!
"What? What? Gee ... who was it?"
"No way Mikes. You tell me who you're talking to first!"
"Come on Gee ... please!"
Darn it, why can't I ignore his puppy dog look.
"Alright fine. You remember the mystery person who randomly texted me? Well, I think I'm about to meet them for coffee."
"W-wait ... you're what?"
"Meeting them for -"
"I heard what you said bro ... but Gee, think about this. You don't even know who it is! Could be some freak for all you know."
Amazing how Mikey worry's about my safety now when just a moment ago he left me alone with a bunch of 1 year olds for 2 hours. It couldn't get any more dangerous then that!
"Well, it's better then hanging around here."
"Fine! But I'm coming with you!"
"What? No ... that's just lame Mikey!"
"Tough shit Gee, I'm coming with you. I'll sit in the corner and pretend I don't know you if it turns out to be some hot chick."
"Alright fine, but can we go already? We're meeting up at 5."
Late Night. New Jersey: The Basement. Thank god Mum and Dad had some vodka lying around. Hopefully they wont notice that I took it, they don't like me drinking but I think the occasion calls for it.
I got stood up!
Yup, but I'm really surprised I never saw it coming. I mean, with my luck lately! Really, what the hell was I thinking? Mikey's been surprisingly cool about it though. I was half waiting for him to rub it all in my face, but he never did.
Hmmm, well the two of us arrived at the coffee shop and ordered our usual coffees. It was kind of weird because I had no idea what I was looking for. Whoever this person was, they knew who I was and what I looked like, but I didn't have the slightest idea what I was looking for. For all I knew they could be some deformed alien from out of space.
And the minutes ticked by and the nervousness and uncertainty slipped away to be replaced by another feeling. The feeling that this person wasn't going to show and I was going to be left thoroughly embarrassed.
I gave it to 5:30 and that was it.
"Alright Mikes, lets go, they're not coming."
"Um, just give it a few more minutes Gee."
"What? No Mikes, I just wanna go home and go to bed -"
I made to stand up but he pulled me down.
"I know you do Gee, but just trust me when I say we'll leave in a few minutes."
I followed Mikey's eyes and realised what he was talking about. Leaning against the wall, arms folded, clearly waiting for his coffee was Frank. I swear someone upstairs must really fucking hate me.
"Oh...! It's no big deal Mikes, we're just getting coffee."
"Yeah, I know. But I just figured the last thing you wanted was to see that guy again. I know how much you hate him."
Mikey just shrugged as though he wasn't fussed what they did. Regardless, we remained there until Frank got his coffee and left the shop. One thing was for sure, he certainly took his time, for a moment I actually thought he wasn't going to leave, but he didn't seem the type to sit in a coffee shop on his own.
When he was gone, we finally got up to go home. I waited for Mikey to taunt me or say something on the way home but the guy seemed to be thinking deeply. His message tone went off, but for the first time during that entire day, he didn't even look at it. He simply stared off, deep in thought.
I thanked him for coming out with me, better being stood up when you weren't completely alone. As weird as that sounded. Plus, I had been embarrassed plenty of times in my life when I had been to drunk to really be aware of what I was doing. And Mikey was my brother, I should have known he wouldn't rub it in. It could have been worse.
Wonder if they'd miss this Vodka if I packed it and took it back to College with me, help me get through the rest of the week.
Oh fuck it! I'll just drink it all now.
Tuesday, March 14th
88 kg (how much is a guy like me even supposed to weigh?), 10 beers, 88 cigarettes, 2 joints (I think Bert and Quinn have officially adopted me).
Mr. Barry was acting very unusual in art class today. The first thing he did, was compliment the painting I was working on. I almost had a heart attack. He sat on his chair, feet on his desk, inspecting his hands, which were clenched together in his lap.
I stared at him, it was all I could do.
It was just so odd that he would compliment anything I did, he didn't like me! It's not like I even minded, it was just something that happened, something I could always rely on. I didn't like him, he didn't like me. Done and done. Only relationship I was really sure off. Now I really wasn't sure of anything.
Then, he looked up and caught me staring. He gave me a strange look and then I quickly snapped out of it and went back to my painting. I looked back around my canvas after a few minutes, hoping he wasn't still looking at me. He wasn't, he was staring at his hands again and he had an unusual grin on his face.
Man I hope he's not a psychopathic serial killer.
Is it bad that that's the first place I go to?
Okay, so that's relationship number one that I don't understand. Relationship number two I don't understand, the one me and Sarah are apparently still kind of but not really having.
On my way to the T.V. room for some much needed R&R I looked up to see Sarah walking towards me, a group of her female friends were huddled at the end of the hall, looking towards me and giggling to themselves.
Was there some sexy, muscular and perfectly tanned guy standing behind me? I had certainly never been the topic of girl group giggling sessions. Well, not unless it involved them giggling at my expense.
"Hey Gee ... how you been? I haven't seen you in a while."
"Hey Sarah. Yeah, I was at my cousins birthday last weekend. Other then that - um - tones of assignments. You know how it is."
HA! What assignments?
"Yeah, I do. How old was your cousin?"
"One."
"Oh, how cute!"
"Yeah ... smelly, slobbering babies - adorable."
She giggled and suddenly everything just seemed normal again. But it wasn't, I mean what were we? I may be an idiot when it came to girls but she liked me ... I know she did! So, what was her problem?
"Well, I got to head off to class, but we should definitely hang out again real soon."
With that, she gave me a little wave then re-joined her group of cackling friends. I just stood there looking confused as they all turned back to get another look at me before regrouping to whisper amongst themselves.
Boy did my head feel like it was going to explode.
All I could think to do was forget the T.V room and go marching straight back to Bert and Quinn's room. Lately it was the only place I could just go and relax. Plus, our relationship was perfectly simple. I go there, smoke their pot, drink their beer and discuss how easy life would be if we could all just live at the bottom of the sea with Flounder and Sebastian and Arial the hot red-headed mermaid.
Tuesday, March 21st
4 p.m. I don't know what Mikey is up to, but I'm determined to find out. He's my brother, we're not supposed to keep secrets from each other.
Every time I call, every time I message it's the same thing. He's always busy, he's always doing something. It's always the same excuse.
"Sorry Gee, can't talk right now. I'm in the middle of something. Call you back tomorrow."
And he always forgets to call back.
What the hell is up with him?
Then, there's the other problem ... the one that goes by the name of Amy.
She's been following me around like a little lost puppy dog. Every chance she gets she'll strike up awkward and boring conversations with me. Usually they end in her saying the same lie every time.
"We should really catch up for coffee sometime Gee, just to catch up. Not tomorrow but, I have a hot date ... the day after I'm free though."
It's like making up some imaginary boy friend is going to make me jealous and beg her to take me back.
Meanwhile, Sarah and I have been out for lunch, been out for coffee and even spent most of the weekend just talking about anything and everything that crossed our minds.
So, I decided to ask her the one thing that was really bothering me, the only thing that was really on my mind. After all, we'd pretty much discussed every thing else.
"So, um ... how do you know Frank Iero?"
"Oh Frankie? I've known him since I was about five. We used to be next door neighbors until I moved."
Frankie? Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.
"Oh ... so you two are petty close then?"
"Yeah, he's a good friend."
Okay, so she said the word friend but in my stupid jealous mind it didn't mean much. All I heard was that they've known each other since she was five. Which means she knew him for a long, long time. She got him, he got her ... was it more then just friendship?
I try not to let it get to me but, it does. Everything about that guy does and I just can't help it. I know it's petty, childish and stupid but - darn it! I don't care!
Ben's been coming and going, but mostly all his free time is spent in the library studying. He has important exams in a few weeks and the guy is a study freak. I think his parents are really strict. I dunno, I've never actually been to his house. Our friendship is pretty much based on college grounds alone.
Naturally, all my free time has been spent with the two pot-heads next door and I'm not complaining. I've decided that it is my fate, they are my fate. It's the one and only place I truly belong. The world has officially screwed me over and I've given up.
So, that's my day:
7 a.m. Wake up.
7:15 a.m. Punch self in the face for waking up so early.
8:30 a.m. Punch self in face for sleeping in so late.
8:45 a.m. Punch self in face for falling back asleep. Get changed.
9 a.m. Eat breakfast, drink coffee.
9:30 a.m. Go to class.
1 p.m. Head to Bert and Quinn's.
8 p.m. Pass out ... if lucky.
And that's my day. Other then that I ignore most people I pass, creeping in the shadows hoping that Amy can't see me there.
Oh! And on top of that, the mystery texter, the one that stood me up. Well, they wrote back.
"I kissed a girl and I liked it, I kissed a girl -"
It couldn't have come at a worse time, it was right when I had my hood up, trying to sneak past Amy who was questioning Ben as to my whereabouts.
"Gee-bear? That you?"
"No! RUN BEN RUN!"
And with that, I took off in one direction, Amy at my heels, whilst Ben took off in the other. Thankfully I managed to shake her off when I took a few fast, sharp corners. Still, she made me run through half the college just to shake her off and I wasn't the most attractive runner. My head kind of tilts back, my mouth hangs open and I sound like I'm hyperventilating.
Finally in the sanctuary of the boys toilets I could read the message:
Hey, I'm real sorry about the other day.
Wish I could tell you I got hit by a car or
something and couldn't make it, but truth
was ... well, I saw you and your brother,
but I was too nervous to come up and say
hey. I'm sorry Gerard :(
I stood there, trying to catch my breath, reading over and over the text message wishing I could just stay angry with this fucking person.
The fact of the matter was, this person seemed to care more about our relationship then anyone else I actually knew did. I know it sounds messed up, but it's true. I didn't even know this person yet here they were explaining everything to me, apologizing to me, basically, taking the time to let me know where I stood.
Why were they so nervous to meet me? Maybe they really were a hideously deformed alien.
They were there that day? Maybe it was one of the 30 something year old ladies sitting in the corner. Hmmm ... an older women.
And how could they have gotten your number Gerard? I'm insane.
Also ... how the hell did they know that Mikey was my brother? We don't even look alike.
Who was this person?
Saturday, March 25th
84 kg (am like a yo-yo, it just goes up and down), 1 bottle of vodka (you'll soon understand why), 100 cigarettes (okay so times that by a billion), 8 joints (thanks Quinn), No. of awkward and confusing moments I'd rather never have happened: 1 (maybe 2 ... depends).
8 p.m. College: My room. I realize it's Saturday and I realize I'm not doing anything, but I had a big night last night. Oh, who am I kidding ... truth is, Bert was acting rather strange this morning. I sort of got the hint that they didn't want me around their place tonight. I don't know what I did wrong, but after breakfast I asked what he was doing and he quickly changed the subject, Quinn just gave me a funny look.
9 p.m. Um ... I'm not to sure what just happened but ... er - nope, I don't know.
I was sitting here, minding my own business when my door burst open and none other then Bert himself came barging in.
"What the fuck?"
"Oh hey Gee ... you got a mirror in here?"
"Yeah, just open the wardrobe it's in there."
He opened it up, pulled out eyeliner from his pocket and started applying it hurriedly.
"Quinn, the little fucker, he locked our room door and took off somewhere with the key."
"I think this is the first time I've ever seen you getting ready to go anywhere!'
And I meant it to. If I was surprised to see him at breakfast more then twice a week, it was absolutely nothing to how surprised I was now. I don't think I could even imagine him outside of his and Quinn's smoky bedroom. I was suddenly hit with a wave of curiosity.
"So ... where you going?"
He smiled at me through the mirror.
"On a date."
Woah! Never thought I'd here him say that. Did Bert date? I thought he just picked someone, got drunk and made his move. Then, next day he was over them. That was what he did.
"Is she hot?"
"He is very hot," Bert corrected me.
"Oh ... cool."
I seriously had no idea what to say just then.
"Can I borrow this?"
He was holding up one of my jackets. I nodded, he said thanks and he made to leave. Then, he gave me a funny look, smirked, shook his head and left, closing the door behind him.
9:30 p.m. Why do I feel so weird about this?
Hmmm, okay. If I'm going to be completely honest with myself, I'm jealous.
I can't believe I'm saying that, but there it is. I'm fucking jealous cause Bert is going on a date with a guy.
Why am I jealous? Am I jealous that the attention is no longer only on me?
I mean I have two girls that are all over me, what is wrong with me?
10:45 p.m. I need lots and lots of liquor.
Sunday, March 26th
10 a.m. College: My room. Well, last night went a little differently to how I thought it would. In fact, I don't even know where to begin.
After Bert left, I pulled out the portable DVD player that Mikey had leant me (I think he felt bad that he wasn't hanging out with me so much lately this way, it gave me something to do) and I pulled out my newest bottle of Vodka and just drank and drank.
It was past midnight and I was just about to fall asleep/pass out when for the second time that night, my bedroom door burst open and in marched Bert looking a little drunker then he did when he left.
"What you watchin’?"
"Trainspotting."
"Oh I fuckin' love this movie."
Excitedly, he jumped on my bed next to me, grabbed my Vodka and drank some. Now, usually I'd get very defensive when people drank my alcohol, only cause it meant less for me, but Bert always let me drink his grog and smoke his joints, so it was about time I returned the favour.
"So ... how was your date?"
"It was alright. The guy was a bit dull, so I fucked him and that was that."
Bert just kept drinking, his drunken eyes glued to the T.V. I just sat there staring at him, not quite believing what he had just said. I had heard Quinn say before that Bert was into anything that moved, which meant guys and girls but it was just a bit unusual. I didn't get out much after all.
"Oh ..."
"Yeah, don't think I'll see him again."
I nodded, not quite sure what to say, not even in my drunk state. Then Bert got up and took his jacket off, which was actually mine. He had an odd sort of smile on his face.
"Thanks for the jacket."
"Oh, yeah - er - no worries."
I got up to take the jacket from him, but I really shouldn't have even bothered. I'm not sure exactly what happened, but next thing I knew Bert just took my face in his hands and crushed our lips together.
Now, we have made out before, many times before. Drunken, messy make out sessions, but this was different. Much different!
And why? Because as his tongue danced around with mine, he pushed me back down onto the bed and rolled his hips into mine suggestively. I didn't even bother trying to understand what was going on or push him off me because my body was rather enjoying the experience.
We were both far to drunk to actually do anything, but as his kissing ventured from my lips to my neck and his hips continued to move him around the lower half of my body, I suddenly found I didn't care what he did to me.
I moaned into his mouth and then quickly snapped my eyes open and pushed Bert off me when I realised that I was actually enjoying this whole situation a lot more then I was probably supposed to.
"W-what was that?"
Was all I managed to get out. Bert just looked down at me and rolled his eyes.
"Oh come on Gee! I could so tell you were jealous."
Then, for the third time that night, by bedroom door burst open again and a rather sleepy looking Quinn stood in the doorway looking on at the scene in front of him slowly, trying to take everything in.
Then, a huge smile spread across his face as he looked knowingly between the two of us.
"Er ... it's not what it looks like."
What? It's all I could think to say.
Bert laughed as he rolled off me, Quinn still smirking as he watched him laughing and rolling around.
"Sure it isn't. I just came here to tell Bert he could come back into his room now ... but if you need a minute."
Bert just looked at my shocked face and shook his head.
"Na, its beddy-byes time. I think Gee's had enough for now."
With that, Bert slapped my thigh and left, laughing loudly. I just lay on my bed still wondering what the fuck had just happened.
Tuesday, March 28th
3 p.m. I made my way into the cafeteria for breakfast yesterday, only to lock eyes with Bert and Quinn who promptly wolf whistled at me causing everyone in the room to stop eating their breakfast and stare at me, probably wondering why the hell I was being whistled at by two guys.
I decided I wasn't hungry and left.
Then I decided I didn't really want to talk to Bert or Quinn at the moment and have been avoiding them since ... well, since Saturday night I guess.
Personally, I feel a little used. I'm not just some trashy fence sitter that Bert can just fucking screw and then walk away feeling big about himself. I'm not fucking gay!
Still, there is no satisfaction in ignoring Bert. Every time I pass him, I give him the cold shoulder and he just laughs as though it's the funniest thing I've ever done. I swear to every Egyptian god that there ever was, the guy is a fucking weirdo.
And as if every single relationship I currently had wasn't fucked up enough, I made a new enemy in art class today. I'm not even sure how it happened really. We were painting a still life, I remember that ... and my pencil broke. Naturally I turned to the nice enough looking guy that was busy drawing next to me and asked to borrow one of his.
"Hey, sorry to bother you, but my pencil broke can I borrow one -"
"No!"
What a fucking bastard!
"Look, I didn't bring any others, I promise I'll give it back by the -"
"Nope, sorry, I need all of these."
Prick!
"You couldn't possible need all -"
"I need them all alright!"
ASS HOLE!
"You're seriously not going to even lend me -"
"I'm deadly serious!"
And right then was when I just snapped. Tired of being interrupted by him and sick of his attitude.
"You know, every time you interrupt someone your dick gets a bit shorter!"
He stopped drawing and glared at me. Mr. Barry dropped the papers he had been reading and just stared at me, mouth hanging open.
"Erm - sorry ... but, my pencil broke!"
I waved my pencil around, hoping everyone understood my frustration. They all just continued to stare.
5 p.m. I'm officially screwed. What's everyone's fucking problem with me anyway?
-------
AN: Oh everything is so perfectly messed up. I promise it all makes some kind of sense eventually, but I'm going to destroy it all first.
Am so, so jolly glad to hear that Ferard or Frerad or Gerfank isn't dead just yet ... there will be plenty in the next chapter I promise.
Sorry for delay ... I had to attend a fancay partay, he he. Thanks for sticking by me and reviewing. Oh and lollie pop - it's a sweet on a stick, for those that dunno what it is ... I dunno, could be something different. And we use Maccie D's - or however you spell - it here to, but people look at u funny. Lol.
And did anyone seriously crave brownies with ice cream after the fat kid coment? I sure did :)
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