Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > You Remind Me Of A Former Love.
Chapter Twelve: I Confess, I Messed Up.
" I confess, I messed up. Dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around. And I know you dressed up. Hey kid you'll never live this down."--Fall Out Boy
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sometimes life involves risks. Risks that are so far-fetched that it would be ridiculous to even attempt. But, as Ryan Ross stood in front of an apartment door, determining which road fate would be willing to take him today. He gulped and looked to his watch, as a 7:45 splattered across the tiny screen in the PM time zone. He lifted his fist to knock, but quickly brought it down. He had been repeating this action for about fifteen minutes, as visualizations poured into his fright; terrorizing him into second guesses. He was scared, because rejection never suited well with him. He thought back to that day he had to apologize to Elle and of how afraid he was to even speak to the girl. Alas, he still went through with it and was satisfied with her accepting results.
Ryan thought maybe there was a slight chance that everything would turn out for the better and just like Elle had that one day, Helen would possibly forgive his mistakes too. Though, this was a tad bit irrational, Ryan was attempting at optimism for this. This, though, had shocked him. Never was he positive or even considerably an optimist. But, it was as though even if Helen weren't around to help him, Ryan was still changing for the better. He had these upbeat habits, that she had rubbed off on him. Ryan couldn't quite understand it, considering he still thought that he was lower than any form of scum. But, he also believed that maybe if his sincere words were to cause Helen's forgiveness, he wasn't such a terrible person after all. That if Helen were to forget about his mistakes and start anew, he must've been pretty damn genuine.
He finally gained enough courage to faintly knock on her apartment door with an expectant, yet guarded expression splashing his face. The door opened as Ryan's face fell as soon as a tall brunette with piercing, blinding blue eyes stood in the doorway, with a rather pissed expression once she saw who her visitor was. Her eyes were so blue, so cold. Any glare could have the power to freeze you to the spot. He liked Helen's much better; warm and inviting browns, an instant allure. But, he was soon interrupted from the blue eyed distraction, as Nicole finally spoke.
"What do you want?" she spat, folding her arms across her chest.
"Um, is Helen here?" Ryan asked, avoiding her glare.
"No, she's not. So, leave." Nicole replied, trying to close the door before Ryan firmly placed his hand on it, blocking any kind of shutting.
"Can I please just talk to her?"
"No! She's not here. And even if she was, she wouldn't want to talk to you, anyway. She doesn't associate with jerks."
"Jesus, Nicole! I just want to talk to her!" Ryan yelled, as Nicole daggered a sharper glare.
"Well, we always can't get what we want, now can we? I mean, I want a shiny, new car, Elle wants to have her own coffee business, and Helen wanted a trustworthy boyfriend who doesn't cheat and lie to her. But, these things just won't happen." Nicole bickered, as Ryan just rolled his eyes, growing frustrated by the moment.
"What the hell is he doing here?" another voice asked, startling both Ryan and Nicole.
They turned around and saw Helen, her hair in a messy bun, with few stray hairs sticking out. Her black leotard was slightly hidden by a wrap skirt and a gray hoodie, with pink tights hugging her long, slender legs with perfection. On her feet, were a pair of pink ballet shoes and she had a black bag slinging over her shoulder, that had a glittery, 'Dance!' logo spreading across the fabric in sparkle. In one of it's compartments, was a half empty water bottle and another pair of ballet shoes. Though, Ryan wasn't focused on her appearance, it was her unreadable expression that he was trying to figure.
"I told him to leave, but he wouldn't listen. Typical man." Nicole scoffed, shaking her head.
"Why is he here?" Helen asked Nicole, ignoring Ryan's presence.
"I don't know. He said he wanted to talk to you or something." she answered, as Helen flicked her eyes to the boy, but for only a brief moment.
"Tell him to leave." Helen said, about to walk in, before Ryan had gently grasped her arm.
"Can we please just talk?" Ryan said, as Helen fiercely turned around with an angered expression.
"Get your fucking hands off me, Ryan!" she screamed, as Ryan instantly let go, a little scared. He had never seen Helen act that way before, with the exception of their break up. He hasn't even heard her cuss before. This plan was failing miserably by the second. Still, Ryan continued.
"Listen, I'm sorry, okay? I just---" he attempted, before she had interrupted him.
"No! I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I ever trusted you!" she shouted, as Nicole just quietly slipped back into their apartment, not wanting to be apart of the scene.
"Helen, please, just listen to me--"
"No, Ryan! You listen! You really hurt me. You really did. And now you are coming over here, trying to give me a crappy apology, and expect everything to be alright between us, again?" she yelled, as Ryan just looked to his shoes and fumbled with the tie of his Starbucks apron, in which he still had on.
That's exactly what he expected and he knew it. He wanted words to mend these broken hearts of theirs, but words could only do so much. It was Shakespeare who evoked emotions from his self-created words, driving the tears from the citizens of the Renaissance world. But, words could only cause tears, not a healing and Ryan had already succeeded at one. Even if these tears were formed from mere words, they were only of a fictional sympathy for the tragic character. Or perhaps if it were comedy; words producing sweet laughter from a feel good mood. But, they were only tears or giggles, never a repair for the heart. How could Ryan be so foolish to even think that they could?
"Fine, I guess I'll just leave you alone." Ryan weakly whispered, just loud enough for her to hear, as his insides crumbled into shreds. His eyes started to glaze over in hot, salty liquids, but he still kept his gaze to his shoes as he finally left her for good, as she just watched him until he disappeared.
Ryan went back to work, in which he knew Elle would yell at him, because his break took longer than ten minutes. But, he didn't care if Elle were to scold him for being late, all he wanted to do was crawl up in a corner and just die. He hadn't felt so much pain in so long, that he kind of missed the numbing feeling that layered over his emotions in the previous weeks. He wanted to run away, but he tried that so many times, and his attempts always failed. No matter what, the thing he was running from always came back to haunt him and twist fatal events into his temporarily perfect reality. Now, everything good in his life had vanished, just because of his silly mistakes.
He entered Starbucks, awaiting Elle's reaction to his lateness.
"Where have you been? Your break ended twenty minute ago!" Elle exclaimed, as Ryan just grabbed his broom.
"I tried to talk to Helen." Ryan answered, as the annoyance on Elle's face had dropped to a blank one and she was suddenly silent.
"Oh." she whispered and that was that.
Hours passed in silent blurs. The only words that were spoken were that of business and a few conversation starters that was either replied with a shrug or one-worded answers; always ending with awkward silences following after. It was weird when you told someone something of vagueness, but they instantly knew the full story behind it. Yet, they still tried to remain falsely ignorant, even if they both knew that wasn't the truth.
"Um, Ryan? Can you watch the place for a few minutes? I need to get something out of my car." Elle asked, as Ryan just simply nodded and continued his usual sweeping.
But, that was about thirty minutes ago. Ryan figured it couldn't take that long to get something from your car and as the minutes passed, he soon grew worried. He began to have visions of her being mugged or cornered by a vicious killer. It was getting pretty late too, as he peered to the night sky, covered in a thick black with miniscule stars. He dropped his dust rag and ran outside to see if Elle were in any sort of danger, but as he got out there, she wasn't in danger, but she was with another man.
"I told you already, I never want to see you ever again! Just leave me alone!" she yelled at the rather skinny man. But, as Ryan looked closer to the guy, he realized it was Brendon who Elle was yelling at. Why had he come back again?
"Cookie, just listen to me..." he said, until she scoffed.
"No, I'm not listening to you! And stop calling me cookie!" she spat, as Ryan ducked behind a tree to eavesdrop.
"God, you are so stubborn." he observed, as Elle just rolled her eyes.
"Whatever. I'm going back in" she said, turning on her heels to return to Starbucks as Ryan had darted back there as well, so Elle would catch him listening in their conversation.
He entered the coffee shop and grabbed the broom, pretending like he was there the whole time as Elle walked in, looking rather annoyed. But, someone had followed her.
"Go home Brendon!" she yelled, sounding impatient as she went behind the counter.
"No. I just want to talk to you." Brendon said, as Elle had clucked her tongue. Uh-oh.
"Just leave me the fuck alone, you bastard! I don't want even want to see you, much less engage in conversation with you! So, why don't you go back home and ruin somebody else's life, okay? Because I am through with you!" she screamed, as Ryan flinched from her anger.
"It was a mistake, okay? He was a mistake." Brendon attempted, as Ryan coughed, and they both turned to him, realizing he was actually present.
Elle just stormed into the Employees Only room as Brendon hastily followed after her. Once the door swung shut, Ryan instantly dropped his broom and smashed his ear up to the door as more muffled yells poured from behind the door.
"Elle, I didn't mean to, okay? I'm sorry!" Brendon's voice said, as Ryan just snorted as he thought, Yeah, right.
"You didn't mean to? So, what happened? Did you fall on him naked?" Elle spat, causing Ryan to chuckle.
"No, you just don't understand."
"You're right, Brendon! I don't understand! Please, enlighten me into the logic of sleeping with your ex!" Elle exclaimed as Brendon just rolled his eyes.
"Why can't you just listen to me?"
"Because I don't feel like it. Now, leave before I call the police!"
"For what? This is public property!"
"There must be something you are doing that is illegal. Maybe being the world's largest prick..."
"That's hardly relevant." Brendon protested as Ryan heard something shatter.
"There! You are being violent and threatening me."
"I am not! You just broke that!" Brendon yelled, as Ryan laughed. Typical Elle.
"The police don't know that."
"God, can you please stop acting like a sarcastic bitch for just a few seconds?" Brendon pleaded.
"Now, that's a little too much to ask."
"What will it take to get through to you?"
"Nothing, Brendon! You cheated on me. Not only did you break my heart, but you broke Ryan's as well. You hurt me and one of my best friend. I'm not forgiving you." Elle stated in a cracking voice, as everything just suddenly got silent.
"Goodbye, Brendon." Elle said as the door opened, knocking Ryan to the ground.
"Owe..." he said, rubbing his nose.
"What the hell, Ryan?" she yelled, as Ryan just gave her an awkward smile.
"I was... Uh... Cleaning the door?"
"Psh. Yeah, right. Get up." she demanded, sticking out her hand to help him up. He took her hand, but even though Elle was trying to remain calm, he could see tears trying to force their way out. As soon as Ryan was up, Elle pulled off her apron and was making her way to exit the building as quickly as she could.
"Um, Elle?" Ryan called after her, as she stopped and hesitantly turned around.
"Yes?"
"Are you alright?"
"Um, yeah. I'm fine." she lied, looking to the ground. But, then, out of nowhere, Ryan walked to her and enveloped his arms around her in a tight hug, as she quickly wrapped her arms around him as well. Ryan felt hot tears drop to his shirt, as he just patted her back. This wasn't romance or a hug of sympathy. This was a reassurance that Ryan was there and that he always will be. This was the comfort to know that Elle could at least turn to somebody when in need. This was the encouragement that everything will get better in the end, even if things looked crappy now. This was their friendship.
"Everything's gonna be okay." Ryan guaranteed and right then and there, he hoped to God that everything would.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Author's Note: Thanks to infinite-oddity, iluvsmiliez, MrSz. Or3O, medicatedlives, rclukins, xoconverse, eileen162, and webba141 for their reviews!
Kay, so I'm not really sure about this chapter. But, this story is almost endings. -tear-
Rate and review? I'll love you forever. :]
Comment/Compliment/Critique
Do with it as you like.
" I confess, I messed up. Dropping "I'm sorry" like you're still around. And I know you dressed up. Hey kid you'll never live this down."--Fall Out Boy
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Sometimes life involves risks. Risks that are so far-fetched that it would be ridiculous to even attempt. But, as Ryan Ross stood in front of an apartment door, determining which road fate would be willing to take him today. He gulped and looked to his watch, as a 7:45 splattered across the tiny screen in the PM time zone. He lifted his fist to knock, but quickly brought it down. He had been repeating this action for about fifteen minutes, as visualizations poured into his fright; terrorizing him into second guesses. He was scared, because rejection never suited well with him. He thought back to that day he had to apologize to Elle and of how afraid he was to even speak to the girl. Alas, he still went through with it and was satisfied with her accepting results.
Ryan thought maybe there was a slight chance that everything would turn out for the better and just like Elle had that one day, Helen would possibly forgive his mistakes too. Though, this was a tad bit irrational, Ryan was attempting at optimism for this. This, though, had shocked him. Never was he positive or even considerably an optimist. But, it was as though even if Helen weren't around to help him, Ryan was still changing for the better. He had these upbeat habits, that she had rubbed off on him. Ryan couldn't quite understand it, considering he still thought that he was lower than any form of scum. But, he also believed that maybe if his sincere words were to cause Helen's forgiveness, he wasn't such a terrible person after all. That if Helen were to forget about his mistakes and start anew, he must've been pretty damn genuine.
He finally gained enough courage to faintly knock on her apartment door with an expectant, yet guarded expression splashing his face. The door opened as Ryan's face fell as soon as a tall brunette with piercing, blinding blue eyes stood in the doorway, with a rather pissed expression once she saw who her visitor was. Her eyes were so blue, so cold. Any glare could have the power to freeze you to the spot. He liked Helen's much better; warm and inviting browns, an instant allure. But, he was soon interrupted from the blue eyed distraction, as Nicole finally spoke.
"What do you want?" she spat, folding her arms across her chest.
"Um, is Helen here?" Ryan asked, avoiding her glare.
"No, she's not. So, leave." Nicole replied, trying to close the door before Ryan firmly placed his hand on it, blocking any kind of shutting.
"Can I please just talk to her?"
"No! She's not here. And even if she was, she wouldn't want to talk to you, anyway. She doesn't associate with jerks."
"Jesus, Nicole! I just want to talk to her!" Ryan yelled, as Nicole daggered a sharper glare.
"Well, we always can't get what we want, now can we? I mean, I want a shiny, new car, Elle wants to have her own coffee business, and Helen wanted a trustworthy boyfriend who doesn't cheat and lie to her. But, these things just won't happen." Nicole bickered, as Ryan just rolled his eyes, growing frustrated by the moment.
"What the hell is he doing here?" another voice asked, startling both Ryan and Nicole.
They turned around and saw Helen, her hair in a messy bun, with few stray hairs sticking out. Her black leotard was slightly hidden by a wrap skirt and a gray hoodie, with pink tights hugging her long, slender legs with perfection. On her feet, were a pair of pink ballet shoes and she had a black bag slinging over her shoulder, that had a glittery, 'Dance!' logo spreading across the fabric in sparkle. In one of it's compartments, was a half empty water bottle and another pair of ballet shoes. Though, Ryan wasn't focused on her appearance, it was her unreadable expression that he was trying to figure.
"I told him to leave, but he wouldn't listen. Typical man." Nicole scoffed, shaking her head.
"Why is he here?" Helen asked Nicole, ignoring Ryan's presence.
"I don't know. He said he wanted to talk to you or something." she answered, as Helen flicked her eyes to the boy, but for only a brief moment.
"Tell him to leave." Helen said, about to walk in, before Ryan had gently grasped her arm.
"Can we please just talk?" Ryan said, as Helen fiercely turned around with an angered expression.
"Get your fucking hands off me, Ryan!" she screamed, as Ryan instantly let go, a little scared. He had never seen Helen act that way before, with the exception of their break up. He hasn't even heard her cuss before. This plan was failing miserably by the second. Still, Ryan continued.
"Listen, I'm sorry, okay? I just---" he attempted, before she had interrupted him.
"No! I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I ever trusted you!" she shouted, as Nicole just quietly slipped back into their apartment, not wanting to be apart of the scene.
"Helen, please, just listen to me--"
"No, Ryan! You listen! You really hurt me. You really did. And now you are coming over here, trying to give me a crappy apology, and expect everything to be alright between us, again?" she yelled, as Ryan just looked to his shoes and fumbled with the tie of his Starbucks apron, in which he still had on.
That's exactly what he expected and he knew it. He wanted words to mend these broken hearts of theirs, but words could only do so much. It was Shakespeare who evoked emotions from his self-created words, driving the tears from the citizens of the Renaissance world. But, words could only cause tears, not a healing and Ryan had already succeeded at one. Even if these tears were formed from mere words, they were only of a fictional sympathy for the tragic character. Or perhaps if it were comedy; words producing sweet laughter from a feel good mood. But, they were only tears or giggles, never a repair for the heart. How could Ryan be so foolish to even think that they could?
"Fine, I guess I'll just leave you alone." Ryan weakly whispered, just loud enough for her to hear, as his insides crumbled into shreds. His eyes started to glaze over in hot, salty liquids, but he still kept his gaze to his shoes as he finally left her for good, as she just watched him until he disappeared.
Ryan went back to work, in which he knew Elle would yell at him, because his break took longer than ten minutes. But, he didn't care if Elle were to scold him for being late, all he wanted to do was crawl up in a corner and just die. He hadn't felt so much pain in so long, that he kind of missed the numbing feeling that layered over his emotions in the previous weeks. He wanted to run away, but he tried that so many times, and his attempts always failed. No matter what, the thing he was running from always came back to haunt him and twist fatal events into his temporarily perfect reality. Now, everything good in his life had vanished, just because of his silly mistakes.
He entered Starbucks, awaiting Elle's reaction to his lateness.
"Where have you been? Your break ended twenty minute ago!" Elle exclaimed, as Ryan just grabbed his broom.
"I tried to talk to Helen." Ryan answered, as the annoyance on Elle's face had dropped to a blank one and she was suddenly silent.
"Oh." she whispered and that was that.
Hours passed in silent blurs. The only words that were spoken were that of business and a few conversation starters that was either replied with a shrug or one-worded answers; always ending with awkward silences following after. It was weird when you told someone something of vagueness, but they instantly knew the full story behind it. Yet, they still tried to remain falsely ignorant, even if they both knew that wasn't the truth.
"Um, Ryan? Can you watch the place for a few minutes? I need to get something out of my car." Elle asked, as Ryan just simply nodded and continued his usual sweeping.
But, that was about thirty minutes ago. Ryan figured it couldn't take that long to get something from your car and as the minutes passed, he soon grew worried. He began to have visions of her being mugged or cornered by a vicious killer. It was getting pretty late too, as he peered to the night sky, covered in a thick black with miniscule stars. He dropped his dust rag and ran outside to see if Elle were in any sort of danger, but as he got out there, she wasn't in danger, but she was with another man.
"I told you already, I never want to see you ever again! Just leave me alone!" she yelled at the rather skinny man. But, as Ryan looked closer to the guy, he realized it was Brendon who Elle was yelling at. Why had he come back again?
"Cookie, just listen to me..." he said, until she scoffed.
"No, I'm not listening to you! And stop calling me cookie!" she spat, as Ryan ducked behind a tree to eavesdrop.
"God, you are so stubborn." he observed, as Elle just rolled her eyes.
"Whatever. I'm going back in" she said, turning on her heels to return to Starbucks as Ryan had darted back there as well, so Elle would catch him listening in their conversation.
He entered the coffee shop and grabbed the broom, pretending like he was there the whole time as Elle walked in, looking rather annoyed. But, someone had followed her.
"Go home Brendon!" she yelled, sounding impatient as she went behind the counter.
"No. I just want to talk to you." Brendon said, as Elle had clucked her tongue. Uh-oh.
"Just leave me the fuck alone, you bastard! I don't want even want to see you, much less engage in conversation with you! So, why don't you go back home and ruin somebody else's life, okay? Because I am through with you!" she screamed, as Ryan flinched from her anger.
"It was a mistake, okay? He was a mistake." Brendon attempted, as Ryan coughed, and they both turned to him, realizing he was actually present.
Elle just stormed into the Employees Only room as Brendon hastily followed after her. Once the door swung shut, Ryan instantly dropped his broom and smashed his ear up to the door as more muffled yells poured from behind the door.
"Elle, I didn't mean to, okay? I'm sorry!" Brendon's voice said, as Ryan just snorted as he thought, Yeah, right.
"You didn't mean to? So, what happened? Did you fall on him naked?" Elle spat, causing Ryan to chuckle.
"No, you just don't understand."
"You're right, Brendon! I don't understand! Please, enlighten me into the logic of sleeping with your ex!" Elle exclaimed as Brendon just rolled his eyes.
"Why can't you just listen to me?"
"Because I don't feel like it. Now, leave before I call the police!"
"For what? This is public property!"
"There must be something you are doing that is illegal. Maybe being the world's largest prick..."
"That's hardly relevant." Brendon protested as Ryan heard something shatter.
"There! You are being violent and threatening me."
"I am not! You just broke that!" Brendon yelled, as Ryan laughed. Typical Elle.
"The police don't know that."
"God, can you please stop acting like a sarcastic bitch for just a few seconds?" Brendon pleaded.
"Now, that's a little too much to ask."
"What will it take to get through to you?"
"Nothing, Brendon! You cheated on me. Not only did you break my heart, but you broke Ryan's as well. You hurt me and one of my best friend. I'm not forgiving you." Elle stated in a cracking voice, as everything just suddenly got silent.
"Goodbye, Brendon." Elle said as the door opened, knocking Ryan to the ground.
"Owe..." he said, rubbing his nose.
"What the hell, Ryan?" she yelled, as Ryan just gave her an awkward smile.
"I was... Uh... Cleaning the door?"
"Psh. Yeah, right. Get up." she demanded, sticking out her hand to help him up. He took her hand, but even though Elle was trying to remain calm, he could see tears trying to force their way out. As soon as Ryan was up, Elle pulled off her apron and was making her way to exit the building as quickly as she could.
"Um, Elle?" Ryan called after her, as she stopped and hesitantly turned around.
"Yes?"
"Are you alright?"
"Um, yeah. I'm fine." she lied, looking to the ground. But, then, out of nowhere, Ryan walked to her and enveloped his arms around her in a tight hug, as she quickly wrapped her arms around him as well. Ryan felt hot tears drop to his shirt, as he just patted her back. This wasn't romance or a hug of sympathy. This was a reassurance that Ryan was there and that he always will be. This was the comfort to know that Elle could at least turn to somebody when in need. This was the encouragement that everything will get better in the end, even if things looked crappy now. This was their friendship.
"Everything's gonna be okay." Ryan guaranteed and right then and there, he hoped to God that everything would.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Author's Note: Thanks to infinite-oddity, iluvsmiliez, MrSz. Or3O, medicatedlives, rclukins, xoconverse, eileen162, and webba141 for their reviews!
Kay, so I'm not really sure about this chapter. But, this story is almost endings. -tear-
Rate and review? I'll love you forever. :]
Comment/Compliment/Critique
Do with it as you like.
Sign up to rate and review this story