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Rachel's POV

I sat outside on the steps of the bus with my notebook, trying to collect my thoughts. Tears were falling off my cheek. I pulled the hood of Chris's sweater over my head and stared in disbelief at the pages of the book. How could Gerard do this to me? I trusted him. My old notebook had so many secrets about me that I didn't want anyone to know. There were parts of my past that I was so ashamed of, and if Gerard had read any further he would have found out. I was probably gonna tell him anyway, but I wanted to wait. I almost had complete trust in him, and he ruined it. I couldn't believe he did this. I wanted to let it go, but for some reason I couldn't find it in my heart to forgive him. Why not?

A little selfish, aren't you Rachel?

I buried my head in my knees. That was it. I'm too selfish. I have to forgive him. He's letting me stay with the band and giving me pretty much whatever I want. I tossed the notebook on the ground in front of me and stared at it. It was almost taunting me. I wanted to rip it to shreds, but I couldn't bring myself to do it.

How can I be so fucking selfish?

"Rachel, you are anything but selfish." I jumped up and turned around, facing Gerard, who was standing in front of the door. Crap, did I say that out loud??

I stared down at my feet. "Sorry," I mumbled.

Gerard moved closer and tried to hug me. I jerked away. He looked like I just slapped him in the face, and that tore me up inside. What is wrong with me?

I turned around and put my hands to my head, trying to make sense of all this. "I..." Turning around, I only saw the door of the bus slam shut.

My god, I am stupid.

Gerard's POV

I am so confused. She apologized to me?? But then, she pulled away when I tried to hug her. She fuckin pulled away. She must hate you. Maybe, she is more confused than me? That must be it. I mean with everything that's been going on, it must be overwhelming. I think I'm just gonna leave her alone for a while.

Rachel's POV

I picked up my notebook and hugged it to my chest. Oh, how I hated it for reminding me of who I really am, but I couldn't part with it. There I stood, in a sweater that's too big for me, hugging a notebook like a stuffed animal, trying not to cry. But I couldn't help it. I let one sob escape my lips and then the tears wouldn't stop. It reminded me of a five year old. Suddenly, my phone rang. I tried to control my crying when I answered the phone.

"Hello?" My voice was shaking.

"Rachel? Are you okay??"

I sniffed. "Chris... I..."

"I just went to go get some coffee and I see you outside the bus."

I looked up. There he was, standing a few feet away, with coffee in his hand and a confused expression on his face. I hung up and ran into his arms.

I could tell he was confused, but he held me tight as I cried in his shoulder. "Rachel, what's wrong?"

I shook my head. "I can't- I-"

"Shh," He brushed my hair out of my eyes so he could make eye contact. "You don't have to tell me. Let's just go to the hotel and get you cleaned up, okay?" All I could do was nod.

Frank's POV

So we were goofing off and having a good time at Starbucks. I was being all hyper to piss Bob off, and then I saw Rachel and Chris walking towards the hotel. Rachel was crying and Chris was trying to comfort her. Shit. What happened now? I got out my phone to call Gerard.

Gerard's POV

My phone rang. It was a text from Chris.

Rachel is going 2 stay with me @ the hotel. That ok with U?

I don't know why he couldn't call me. I am a horrible texter. It took me five minutes to figure out how to type out, "Yeah."

My phone rang again. Don't tell me he replied already. I looked at my phone. It was a call from Frank.

"What's up?"

"Gerard, did you see Rachel walking with Chris to the hotel?"

"Oh yeah, Rach is gonna stay with him," I said.

"Did something happen? She was crying."

I sighed. "Yeah, we kinda got into a fight. We should give her some space for a while. I'm sure she's overwhelmed."

"Okay," Frank said. "We're about to come back. You want us to bring you something?"

"No thanks man, it's cool. I'm gonna get some sleep."

Frank's POV

I was a little worried. "Alright then," I said. "Later." I hung up and went over to Mikey, who was about to order.

"What does he want?"

I shook my head. "He doesn't want anything. Let's go."

"Gerard doesn't want coffee??" Mikey said in disbelief. "Is he okay?"

"I don't know man, I dunno." He probably wasn't. When Gerard isn't in the mood for coffee, you know something bad happened.